I guess this is complicated?

This is the worst five days of my life, every year. My abusive, horrific bio-mom's birthday was the 30th, and mine is the 5th. Every year I'm...dumbfounded and angry and disgusted that she's still allowed to draw breath in this world, and it makes it really hard to want to make it to my own birthday. I know that must be silly.

Here's the hard part. I've (mostly) come to terms with it. Hour by hour, minute by minute. But I have DID. And I'm really, really worried about the blackouts. I'm not co-conscious, and I don't trust that even if I'm safe, one of them won't be.

I know people with DID get a lot of shit, but I could really use the help right now.