The Silver Age (or How I Turned My Life Around at 25)
Last Monday, I celebrated my twenty-fifth birthday. Twenty five is a rather significant age in my mind; it's the quarter-centennial, about a third of the way to the average life expectancy, and, as I lovingly refer to it as: the Silver Anniversary.
At the beginning of this year, I was listless, depressed, on the cusp of obesity, and filled to the brim with self-loathing and misanthropy. Then, halfway through the year, I went to GRMuD in Los Angeles, and my life took a 180 degree turn. While I was there, I became something of a meme as "Whip Guy." Yeah, I actually had a bullwhip there, and used it to corral the 400-some Redditors there. After the event, I was contacted by a Redditor who was the head of a talent agency, and I was able to, through him, get the passions for acting and performing reignited. I went back to study acting, and am now in the process of pursuing my dreams. However, this was also when I decided that I needed to turn OTHER aspects of my life around...
The image to the right was taken last Saturday, and I couldn't be happier. Well, the tie needs straightening, but I fixed that later in the evening. The point remains: I look and feel infinitely better there. Not only due to the laser eye surgery that I had back in July, but because I'm exercising, I'm watching what I eat, and I'm working towards what I want to do in my life. As Alton Brown put it, I've moved away from Apocalypse Now Marlon Brando to just a bit closer to Streetcar Named Desire Brando. At this point, I've gone from 198.5 pounds to 158 over the course of five months, and I'm still going strong.
As a result, my blood pressure (the big problem from 2010 that's continued to plague me off and on to this day) is at the lowest it has been since the whole trouble began. At 22, my blood pressure was about 136/92 on average, and it's since gone down to 113/60. I've also felt confident, determined, and motivated to do anything and everything I can to make my life better. I've even worked towards motivating others, whether it's in all caps or just sitting down and talking to friends about how they can make their lives better.
I think about H.P. Lovecraft's quote about fear: "The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown." I love this quote, because so many of our lives are driven by that fear of the unknown, of uncertainty. The undiscovered country, as it were. It doth make cowards of us all, and that's not even the great beyond that Hamlet was referring to, but simply the next five minutes -- nevermind five years, fifteen years, fifty years! I cannot stand idly by and let fear and uncertainty rule my life as it has for so long.
I want nothing more than to let this silver anniversary be the turning point in my life; not just for my sake, which is an astonishing change in and of itself -- but for the betterment of everyone in my life up to, currently, and beyond this point. The better I am, the better I can hopefully be to everyone else.
In the end, what it all comes down to? I want nothing more than to see all of you become the best that you can be. I know so many of you are working on that right now, and I'm proud for you all. I know so many of you get discouraged, you get trampled upon, you get snuffed out -- and I know how fucking hard you all fight to keep going, and I admire you all for that strength. I know even that some of you have given up from time to time, abandoned all hope, and let despair and self-loathing consume you to the point of hitting rock bottom and smashing into a thousand pieces -- only to pick yourselves back up and try again! It is in all of you fine, beautiful people that I absorb my strength from.
Never let anything or anyone stop you from being that person you want to be. You may be your own worst enemy at times, but in the end, you are your only ally against the greater enemies of Doubt and Self-Hatred.
Posted Dec 2, 2012, 6:51 PM UTC