just kind of saying words i guess. warning: this is filled with complaints and negativity.

yeah i don't know. i fucked my life up entirely in every aspect. i'm finding it hard to get through my days as quite honestly, everything just makes me more miserable. i lost my best friends due to my alcohol problem. i lost my awesome relationship with my mom because of my shitty attitude. i lost the person who was completely in love with me because i have ridiculous walls up and was in complete denial of how much i love him and how much he truly loved me- regardless of how fucked up my life is right now. i am broke as fuck and can't get monetarily on track. i waste my money on drugs and alcohol because i can't cope with anything at the moment. i drink so often that i don't even know if i ever actually think clearly. my boss is ridiculously hard on me when honestly i'm a really good worker regardless of all my outside problems. i talk to no one about how i feel because i don't like to put my problems on anyone else.. even writing this makes me feel like a whiny unappreciative human being who needs a serious punch in the face. but i really am so horribly sad that i don't know where to begin. everything i do just completely is the wrong move. i know this sounds insane but i feel like i literally cannot stop fucking up my life. i don't know when this ridiculous downward spiral started but i'm just so far fucked that i just. seriously don't know what the fuck to do. i've completely lost myself. absolutely no one in my life knows i feel this way. and though the people i work with or see outside of work (at bars) really like me, they really don't know me at all. i don't know me at all anymore.

yeah.. sorry about all that.