Feeling disconnected from body during sex

Hey SRSWomen, you're my favorite reddit community and I thought I'd come ask here for some guidance concerning something that's been happening to me.

Background: A while back, my SO raped me. It's hard to use this word, but it describes more or less what happened. I forgave him completely due to the situation (which I don't really want to go into right now). Recently, I've been having a lot of trouble at school and have been feeling really down on myself. My sexual assault counselor is in the process of referring me to somebody who deals specifically with depression.

Situation: The worse I feel about myself, the more this happens (or at least this is the connection I've noticed). During sex with my SO sometimes, I feel like my mind is not connected with my body. Things that happen with my body during this time don't really affect what I'm thinking (if this makes sense at all). Everything is fine up to a certain point, until my mind sort of splits and does its own thing. I have really intense internal dialogues when this happens, to the point where I'm afraid to mention them to anybody because it sounds so ridiculous.

However, I can still see what's happening around me and process that. Last night, I was able to notice how my SO was really into the sex we were having, so I moved my body so that it would continue to be good for him. This specific series of events has happened twice recently, and before I told him what was going on with me, he said it was really awesome and amazing sex. After I told him what was going on in my head, he told me that he felt remorse and wishes I had said something.

I'm blaming myself for not saying anything and feeling worse. What do I do