A Check-In

I figured I'd make an attempt to check-in every now and then. My badge was at 22 days, but I hadn't reset it. It is on the correct number now.

I don't know what I feel now. I go for hours not really thinking about sex or women or whatever, and then I'll see someone attractive and my mind just explodes. I was out earlier today and saw a lot of women in dressed really nice (Sunday best, I guess) and they definitely got me going. I was horny. And yet, often I don't get that. Often I just don't seem real interested at all. I've asked a few girls out, and I've gone out both with friends and alone to places, and I haven't had any luck. I haven't been on a date since March, and I feel pretty bad about it.

In some aspects, I want that feeling more. I want my body to override my mind and say look, you've got to do something about cleaning the pipes down there. But I don't want a wet dream. Not at all. It isn't because of cleaning anything up or embarrassment or anything, but rather I just want to be so loaded and heavy and in need of a release that I get out and do it. I want it so bad, but I'm not very good at getting it. I want to be just unbelievably keyed up and eager to land a nice young woman so badly that I take more initiative and get out there and make it happen.

On the other hand, I have noticed that working out has gotten me into a semblance of shape, and my strength has improved. I have a new job which I start in January, and I am am finishing my school nicely. I'm mostly happy other than my inability to find a female companion.