A question on how you "knew"

Hi all,

This is the second time posting here regarding transgender things, but this query is a bit of a weird one for me. I am someone who identifies as gay, though that's also something that's been a point of major confusion for me as of late, and I am also what is considered a "sissy" in the fetish world. As of late I've realised that when I dress up, it's not always sexual, sometimes it just feels "right". This is a matter that has started to scare me, as I am a big hairy man and will NEVER EVER pass, and it's all a matter of some confusion for me. I'd just like to know, how did you guys know, and do you think it's possible to suppress things like this? As a crossdresser, we have something called a purge and binge cycle, where we systematically hate ourselves and throw everything girly out, and then buy tons more because we can't take it anymore, and I fear it will happen with this if I make such a realisation. As you can see I'm very confused, and would love to talk to some of you lovely girls and boys about it. Sorry if this is in the wrong place.