Almost 2 weeks... (a rant, some thoughts, observations and questions inside)

Hey all,

First off I want to say what a beautiful and amazing community this is! I started lurking a few days before I officially quit and the amount of positive encouragement here is has been very motivating. I'm posting this as much for myself as for anyone else - it'd be therapeutic for me to put this all down.

So my last drink was two Sundays ago. For the first week or so it was actually fairly easy for me. Now that I'm nearing the two week mark however, things are starting to get a little tougher than I expected.

I had a very emotional day last Friday. I cried for the first time in ages and also got quite angry (which is extremely out of character for me). I'm beginning to realize how much emotion I had been suppressing by drinking daily, and it seems to be slowly seeping out more and more. I just found this rather strange as for the first 10 or so days I felt normal (better, even!) and then all of a sudden it was as if everything I had been holding back came out at once. I suppose it's probably different for everyone in regards to how repressed feelings get processed. At any rate, it was probably a good thing to actually feel something for once, haha.

I'm also beginning to realize just how annoying I must have been to friends and family while drunk. Being sober around people who are drinking (my friends still do) has been very eye-opening to say the least. I love them to death and always will, but let's just say dealing with someone on the verge of being blacked out isn't exactly a fun time. And that would have been me, virtually every time I saw them. Also, on the days I didn't see them, which in a way is worse as I could have seriously hurt myself. One time I drank a 5th to myself and blacked out HARD before I finally feel asleep. That was a wake-up call - what if I had fallen and hit my head and bled out? No one would have known until later the next day, at the earliest.

I'm just wondering for those further along the path than I, about how long did it take for sobriety to really "click" with you as your new way of life? I realize it's probably different for everyone, and for most of us the cravings will never completely disappear, but surely it gets better at a certain point, no? Each day has been slightly better than the last but at this time I'm nowhere near out of the woods.

On a more positive note, however, I am already feeling better (in general, if not my cravings). Being a bit more productive and having more energy is very nice, as is waking up without a dehydrated throat, headache and feelings of remorse nearly every day. I've had some minor victories lately in being in situations that would normally drive me to drink my face off but instead I managed to abstain completely. Moments like that give me hope that I can keep this up.

Also, in the sidebar this is a link: "Not sure if your drinking is a problem? Take this test and find out!" I took the test when I first found this subreddit and scored 26. I tried again just out of curiosity but whenever I clicked on "submit" after answering the 10 questions, it took me back to the site's homepage and didn't show me the results. Just wondering if my browser is being weird or if anyone else has noticed this?

Thanks for hearing me out and thanks for being here! I check this subreddit multiple times a day on my phone and read every post, even if I don't have the time to comment. It is especially helpful because I don't have anyone I can talk to on a daily basis about this stuff (yet, that is). Simply reading other's stories helps reinforce my own motivation more than I can say.

Much love - you are all wonderful, strong people - even if you don't realize it yet! ;)

Whether one day or one year, we're all in this together.

Edit: Also, the "badgebot" listed under Moderators that has 1,106,803 days - is this the total number of every member's badge? If so that's awesome. :)