Cheating, lying, emotionally manipulative ex girlfriend has left me in a bad state.

Background.

ACT I

Me 29, her 28. I met at her wedding with her husband (my friend) and we were friends for 8 years, we lived in separate states but remained in contact. She separated from her husband last year around march, I came to visit family in July and we met up at a bar to complain to each other about our love lives. We had a bit to drink, she leaned over and we kissed.

I lived 450 miles away so the first few months were a long distance relationship. Then she got fired from her job. She said that her coworkers threw her under the bus, but who knows now.

I asked if she wanted to move down in October, as she was currently living with her godparents after separating from her ex. She gladly accepted and got a job within a week working with starbucks. (This is the beginning of the end.) It was only supposed to be for a few months until she took her civil service exam. (which she never did)

She's naturally social and outgoing, while I tend to be a bit more reserved. She made friends at work and started hanging out with them. I joined in on karaoke night, but it wasn't really my thing.

She didn't have much cash, and needed to get her car registered in this state otherwise she'd face an even higher fine. So I paid for her car to get new tires, and replace a strut. She said she'd get her car registered and never did. (Signs of things to come)

I kept pressuring her about it because damn it, my state does not take well to people avoiding registration. I suppose I was nagging, but I was paying the bills, and paying for food, and paying for shelter, paying for alcohol, and paying for everything. At the time I didn't mind, I was in love with one of my best friends. She had already mentioned that she wouldn't object to being proposed to, of course we'd wait to see how it goes, make sure we're doing the right thing.

ACT II January rolls around, I've paid to get her stuff from fathers, because again she doesn't have cash and he's shipping off to another country for a few months. I'm pretty depressed, I tell her why, not getting her license, but nothing happens.

We're at a dinner and she's talking about her shenanigans as a young adult. She's talking about all the fun she had while I was away at college. She avoided responsibility then, while I was in college earning my stem degree. I forwent relationships for my studies. I felt that I've worked hard to be where I am and here she is just living off of me.

I break down after we get home. Like head in her lap depression. Not a good mental state to be in. I can't break up with her, we live together and she doesn't have the cash. I'm not going to give up that easily.

She stops talking to me for a month. I try to talk to her friends to find out what's wrong and they didn't know. She got mad at me for going to her friends. At the end of the month of silence she says she wants to move back home because she misses her friends and staying out late drinking and partying and that she'd be moving back home in a few months time.

We decide to 'see to where it goes.' Now if I had complete acumen, I should have kicked her out and given her a plane ticket and let her on her merry way.

ACT III This is when she starts separating me from her friends. That she didn't want me to come to Karaoke, or come hang out with her friends. She'd come home late after the bar closes. My mind races, but she assures me everything is ok. My girl came home to me and curled up with me.

She goes back home for a week in April to visit friends and pick up some paperwork from her ex husband and see her dog.

After she comes back the relationship is better again, we get to go camping at the beach. She tells me that she's getting promoted and going to stay in the area instead of moving back to NY. So now she's not leaving, going to stay with me. Another change in my life that I wasn't expecting...

I start interviewing for a better job. This interview is seriously stressing me out. She stayed out every night that week until 4am after saying that she'd be home earlier. We make plans to have dinner together on the Friday, at the end of the week that she's been partying with her new friends all week. She never comes home, I call, and she says she'll be home soon.

I'm furious when it's 9pm and I've been lied to again. She gets home around midnight, we argue, there's yelling. Now I'm a big guy but I've never hurt a fly in my life. I follow her down the hallway after she storms out of the bedroom. She thinks I'm going to hit her. (Her ex abused her, at least that's what she said he did.)

A month goes by without her talking to me again. At the end of the May she breaks up with me again, 5 days before my birthday. She then has plans to go to a rave on my birthday and doesn't come home till 6am.

She says that she can't be with someone that isn't emotionally stronger than her. I'm not sure what that means, I guess she needs someone that treats her like crap and doesn't care. Or that allows her to do whatever she wants without repercussions. That I'm manipulative and controlling.

ACT IV We live together, we sleep together, until end of August. This is hell. She says she loves me but we can't be together. I understand now that not everyone works out together. But she doesn't make any efforts to move on. I can't kick her out because she's still means a lot to me. She sleeps with her back turned to me. When she gets drunk she faces me and I hold her.

End of august, she gets a room with at her friends house. I'm devastated, but I know it's necessary for us to move on. Meanwhile I still have most of her possessions in my condo. She said she'll pick them up, but she's always busy with work and never makes the time to actually pick them up.

A month or two go by and I say I think I'm ready to be friends again. We reconnect on facebook.

ACT V Twist.

I go up back home to visit my family for thanksgiving. I meet up with her ex husband. He tells me they slept together when she went up to visit in April. I'm devastated. I text her and say she has until the end of the month to remove the rest of the stuff. She then texts him saying that she'll blackmail me and try to sabotage my job by getting a restraining order and tanking my security clearance. I didn't talk to her until Wednesday.

I get drunk last Wednesday and ask who is lying. She cheated on me and lied to me from April till Now.

I've never felt so used, manipulated, had the wool pulled over my eyes. She still blames me for not being strong enough, and getting angry at her during my interview week.

ACT VI Thoughts have been going through my head, was I controlling? She never got her license, and got pulled over. She missed the court date and I'm getting mail from the county saying it's suspended and owes money.

Was manipulative by getting depressed over her drinking habits, and driving her away?

TL;DR: My cheating ex, friend for eight years blames me for our relationship issues, calls me manipulative, and not emotionally stronger than her. How didn't I see this behavior before. She's so good at twisting words, meaning, goals, expectations. Was I ever really in a relationship or was it all lies.