Repetition, redundancy, and more

It's strange that I am beginning to idolize a guitar amp lately. I'm 19 years old and obviously depressed and I know the exact problem. I live in the most disgusting state in the south. Everyone sickens me besides my parents, brother and two friends. I truly just want to move to the north where I was born.

Lucky me that I've no money, job (i cant get a job because of the economy and I'm not socially ready for a job apparently an ex-con and a non-recovering drug addict can get a job before someone with a clean record. No offense, I'm not better than anyone but its only fair if those are laws) or car. Here's the repetition. My parent are pretty selfish by telling me that I need to find a college in the north and when I did they told me that I should stay here a year because they "needed" me. So I like a dumb ass listened and stop applying to colleges. So skip to high school graduation I became depressed and started applying again and here they (parents) go selfishly pulling me back. I stopped interacting with them for weeks at a time then I'd talk to them again and back to ignoring them for two reasons. One) I came out as bisexual to them and then felt better. We got along better until I felt worse about not being able to move on with my career. So then my parents asked me why I haven't applied to colleges here in my state and I just shrugged it off with I'm looking.

It's December and I applied to one college in New York thanks to my procrastination that's all I did. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get accepted even though its non competitive and it's community. Still I won't be able to afford it most likely because a student loan won't be able to cover that especially if I plan to stay in a dorm and out of state fees. (Everyday I just stay on my laptop in my bed all day listening to music)

So now I'm back to square one. I'd rather just move out of this country and live comfortable with a semi good job and be by myself. But again no money haha.

I really didn't want a reply but I just wanted people to see and read this so I could get this off my chest.