When was pain a fucking currency?!

Keep it short as this is hard posting enough as it is. My step-dad died. My grand-dad died. I don't have any men to look up to in the physical sense. I have another step-dad and a bio dad but I find it difficult to talk to my step-dad and my bio dad is extremely hard to get a hold of. It's taken him awhile to get his life together so I don't hold that against him. My mother ofc after losing her dad and husband and having stomach cancer says she faith in Christ has been rocked. I don't know where my faith and hope lies anymore. This is the worst year of my life. Last Christmas I had a credit and debit card stolen. Long story short it cost me my job and my flat. I've had depression since I was 21. I'm now 30. This year my illness has been the most aggressive it's ever been. I can't sleep. If I do I either oversleep and have nightmares. The 2 deaths happened in a 6 week period. Just after I moved into my new flat. I struggle to WANT to leave my flat or/and interact with ANYONE. I use here, Xbox and RARELY social networks like twitter and fb to either troll, aggressive shout my HATE for everyone or even rarer, cry for help. I'm running out of space... Basically I posted a trolling angry depressed fb post and my mum text me basically saying: My suffering is 100 times worst than yours. I just wanna rant at her and say "BITCH, THIS ISN'T A FUCKING CHANCE TO ONE-UP ME!!" Why doesn't she see she hurts me?!