Always a battle

"Share your feelings " she says. I know it's a trap that she doesn't even realize she is setting, someday maybe I'll learn.. in that discussion she is always supportive.. but within a week those feelings are twisted and contorted into something that doesn't even resemble my original feelings and thrown back into my face at full force. The fall out is typical of an OCD, PTSD, and BP2 person, she has to get everything organized.. back to black and white. Compounding that, she can't be in the wrong because that means she is "bad", she can only be good or bad. Which leads to punishment via silent treatment, threats of divorce (but she somehow can't ever seem to find a lawyer), and the "great bottoming out" as I have learned to call it over the many years.

She is medicated, in therapy, and is putting in the work to better herself. She denies therapy is useful.. but I can hear the ever so slight excitement she has for her new therapist and their therapy plan. She is infinitely better now then she was up until a couple months ago, and I am hopeful, but sometimes.. I just need to scream.