As a Prot, I think I'm starting to understand.

Hello! I'm a Protestant currently discerning whether I'd like to become Catholic.

Sorry! This is a super long post, but I'm immensely moved by my day, and I hope this will make you smile as well!

I've been lurking this sub for a while now, and enjoy reading about everyone's experiences on here, even though I don't always understand everything being talked about.

I've been a believer since I was in high school, and I had a Catholic friend that brought me to Mass, taught me how to pray the rosary, about Catholicism, etc. when I was 15/16ish. I considered becoming Catholic briefly during high school, but never seriously.

I then dated a Lutheran who ended up converting mid-way through our relationship. I've always believed that Catholics are Christians and had no issue with this, despite him beginning to discern priesthood/religious life. I informed him that I wanted him to do what God wanted him to do. I don't know where he is at in that regard. We got engaged and then life happened and we broke up (unrelated reasons). I hope he's still discerning, because he would be/is an awesome teacher.

I had a spiritual journey that was heavily demonic in nature and was quite difficult to navigate through my teens/early 20s. Because of all this, I was curious to learn about spiritual warfare and exorcism, as I realized I didn't know how the Catholic Church viewed the subject. This led me to learning more about the Church and her beliefs.

Then I began to look into church history as a whole and started realizing that the history is very Catholic through and through, more than I realized as a Protestant. This has caused me to pause and reconsider. I'm hoping to start reading the church fathers' works.

One of the most recent intrigues for me has been the claims of Eucharistic miracles. I'm still trying to comprehend that. The Eucharistic has been very hard for me, because if what the Church says is true, then I feel out of place taking communion in the fashion I have been as a non-denominational Christian. I've been praying about this for the past several months, but especially the past few weeks. I am able to drive by this Catholic church on the way home from my current church, and admittedly I have felt drawn to it for years and the past month I've been purposefully driving by just to see it.

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That brings me to today. I decided (somewhat on a whim) to go to Mass early this morning before attending my usual home church. I looked up the schedules and went. I know not whether it was God that brought me or myself, but He certainly is using it to speak to me. For the first time, I can truly say that I enjoyed going, because I am beginning to understand more about the Mass and what it's all about. I did not know that today was the Feast of Corpus Christi. So I was a little spooked when the homily was about the True Presence and all the things I've been talking to God about lately. I remember sitting there and soaking it all in. I looked around and admittedly, felt connected to the Church, as if it were my own, for the first time in my life. They even sang hymns I knew, which is not typical when I go to Mass!

After the mass, I went up to the choral leader and organist. They were very sweet ladies. The choral director jokingly said, "Oh, is this our new choir member?" I was flattered but quickly explained that I wasn't Catholic. They asked me what brought me to Mass. I told them how I had desired to come, and then how I was surprised to hear a message about the True Presence.

"God works in strange ways." the choral director said with a smile. Indeed He does. I thought. There is a mystique that I feel in the quake of that minor interaction, as silly as it sounds. I can't get it out of my head.

Then I walked around, drinking in all the beauty and wonder of the church. It is phenomenally beautiful and unashamedly Catholic with its stained glass and many paintings and placards of saints and symbolism. I'll put it this way, it puts most Protestant churches to shame in terms of reverential design and awe. The place was made to feel solemn and holy. I adore that, truly.

I made my way to the parish office, and chatted up with a parishioner. He is planning on giving me a copy of Rome Sweet Home when I return to the church - the book that convinced him of Catholicism. I'm very grateful as that book is on my reading list! I also asked a deacon about learning more, and whether I could participate in RCIA as a curious student when it started up. Apparently sensing my eagerness, the deacon first advised me to "relax." Apparently, I came at the right time, because they previously had no one to teach the class prior to this year (it was self-paced). So I get to be one of the first participants starting in July/August!

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Then I left to go to my home church. As soon as I walked out of the building, I felt a sense of unease. I was deeply troubled my whole ride over to the church. I have never felt this way before. It's as if I was doing something wrong. My stomach even hurt, but I couldn't decide if that was because I hadn't had breakfast or if it was related to the unrest I felt.

I went to my church and tried to pay attention. I wrote on my little notepad the thoughts I was feeling in that moment. How drawn I felt to that little Catholic church, and how troubled I was.

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I went home, my mind still stirring. I went up to my room and as I was putting my items away I said, "God, we need to talk." I plopped on the bed, looked to the ceiling, and just waited. I waited. Waited. Waited.

Finally, I said, "I'm just trying to understand what You want me to do. Do you want me to become Catholic?" I get the sense that God is saying, I want you to trust Me. He's been telling me this a lot lately. I told Him, "I do trust You, but. . .I guess I'm asking for clear direction." There was no response. "Trust Me." is all I'm getting today. Even as I write this, I'm shaking just thinking about the interaction.

By the end of the prayer, I was nearly in tears. For some unexplainable reason, I deeply longed to go back to the Mass. To experience it again. To be with Christ in that moment -- in that room. This is crazy, I've never felt this way about it before.

I'm truly shaken by my whole day. I have no idea what's next. I'm just trying to trust God through the process. I know He's got me. I've been talking to Him today about why He led me to the churches He's led me to, in particular now that I'm wondering if I'm to become Catholic.

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TL;DR: I'm truly moved by my experience of the Mass, especially that it's Corpus Christi and I've been praying about the True Presence. I'm also troubled that I felt so uneasy going to my home church after this wonderful experience.

Would love any thoughts! I was debating posting this all day.