[1970] Sophia and the Colour Weavers (Middle-Grade Urban Fantasy) V.4

Sophia

Hello you lovely people. I'm here with the fourth submission of my increasingly frustrating opening chapter. You guys are great and I always appreciate every piece of feedback... so, please tell me why I suck. I know it sucks. I just don't know why it sucks.
My main thought is the length and pacing are all askew. Ch. 1 is now over 1900 words, which is about 400 more than I wanted it to be. I worry that it is just too meandering for 9-12-year-olds. It feels exhausting to read (but that might be because I've read it 8 million times). Are there any redundant parts? Any particular scenes that are clunky and need rewriting? What is making you not want to read more of this story?
Thank you.

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