Hanging thoughts

My kind of lover doesn't exist, because I never thought of it... I never prioritize my sentimental state because it doesn't matter, It was already destroyed a long time ago... Damaged... Burned to ashes in the air... Poufff! I feel nothing. You can molest me, you can humiliate me, or even worse, you can torture me. I'll feel nothing. Just a ballon of air stuck in my throat that makes me cough and want to hang myself. No! not myself, but my thoughts... Those painful thoughts that paralyze my body and make me invisible, Those thoughts... Oh damn thoughts... Trapping me like a rat, making me believe that I am nothing but a pathetic creature. My chest wants to explode. He didn't believe that I'am still at my twenties because he believed I was 50 yo, 23 years ago.