AITA for refusing to rent a suit for my sister's wedding?
Some family background is necessary so apologies, this will be a long one. My parents are extremely traditional Roman Catholics. I (26M) am one of 9 children. My older sister (28) is getting married in a few months.
I moved out when I was 17 due to issues with my parents' strict rules. We've had issues ever since I was a teenager, and eventually when I stopped practicing Catholicism I was essentially disowned from the family. There's been quite a lot of drama and back and forth over the years, with me sometimes being invited over for family dinners and what not, and at other times being unwelcome at home.
Two of my younger brothers (23&20) followed suit and left home at a young age to come live with me. The 3 of us have lived together for years now. It's quite clear that we are the black sheep of the family as none of us are Catholic anymore.
Our parents have always been very controlling over our appearances. To give an example, our dad informed us one year that we were not welcome for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner because the length of our hair would upset our mom.
To be honest it was a small victory that we were even invited to the wedding, but now our dad has requested that we all rent suits. We all own dress clothes (dress shirts, slacks, ties) but none of us own suits. I told my dad that it's unreasonable to ask people who aren't in the wedding party to spend hundreds of dollars on rentals. I personally don't even like suits, so I don't understand why I should be forced to throw away money on one. To be fair, I could afford to rent one, but my brothers barely make above minimum wage so a rental is not an insignificant amount of money for them.
To be clear, I'm not planning on looking like crap. I’ll wear the nicest clothes I own, which includes everything other than a suit jacket.
I'm trying to toe the line between being respectful of my sister (the last thing I want to do is cause trouble and ruin her day) and not bending to the whim of my controlling parents.
One last detail, I also recently got engaged to my girlfriend. So in the back of my head is the knowledge that my entire family will not be attending my future wedding because we won't be married in the Catholic church. My parents have already refused to attend their own siblings' weddings for the same reason, so that's not an exaggeration. It's frustrating to be asked to go out of my way for something I see as pretty silly when I know none of them will do the same for me.
So am I the asshole?
Posted Jul 16, 2023, 7:04 PM UTC
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Some family background is necessary so apologies, this will be a long one. My parents are extremely traditional Roman Catholics. I (26M) am one of 9 children. My older sister (28) is getting married in a few months.
I moved out when I was 17 due to issues with my parents' strict rules. We've had issues ever since I was a teenager, and eventually when I stopped practicing Catholicism I was essentially disowned from the family. There's been quite a lot of drama and back and forth over the years, with me sometimes being invited over for family dinners and what not, and at other times being unwelcome at home.
Two of my younger brothers (23&20) followed suit and left home at a young age to come live with me. The 3 of us have lived together for years now. It's quite clear that we are the black sheep of the family as none of us are Catholic anymore.
Our parents have always been very controlling over our appearances. To give an example, our dad informed us one year that we were not welcome for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner because the length of our hair would upset our mom.
To be honest it was a small victory that we were even invited to the wedding, but now our dad has requested that we all rent suits. We all own dress clothes (dress shirts, slacks, ties) but none of us own suits. I told my dad that it's unreasonable to ask people who aren't in the wedding party to spend hundreds of dollars on rentals. I personally don't even like suits, so I don't understand why I should be forced to throw away money on one. To be fair, I could afford to rent one, but my brothers barely make above minimum wage so a rental is not an insignificant amount of money for them.
To be clear, I'm not planning on looking like crap. I’ll wear the nicest clothes I own, which includes everything other than a suit jacket.
I'm trying to toe the line between being respectful of my sister (the last thing I want to do is cause trouble and ruin her day) and not bending to the whim of my controlling parents.
One last detail, I also recently got engaged to my girlfriend. So in the back of my head is the knowledge that my entire family will not be attending my future wedding because we won't be married in the Catholic church. My parents have already refused to attend their own siblings' weddings for the same reason, so that's not an exaggeration. It's frustrating to be asked to go out of my way for something I see as pretty silly when I know none of them will do the same for me.
So am I the asshole?
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