Favorite show hurt me

Over a year ago, one of my favorite shows ended with an ending I found personally to be the most upsetting series finale I have ever seen. It was devastating to me. It felt so painful, bitter, and sad, and inexplicably the majority of the fandom seems to be delighted by it. The creator of the show said he was so proud of how it ended.

I felt devastated, betrayed, and hurt. This happened a week after a relative passed, during exams, right before graduation, and while an online friend was dealing with a mental health crisis. It was the worst two weeks of my life. About a month later my psychiatrist prescribed me my first antidepressants.

I think it was my second or third really serious bout of depression. And it still hasn't ended.

Ever since then, the show has been in my mind daily. For nearly a year, every couple weeks, at least once a month, my mind cycled up to oscilate between incredibly angry and incredibly sad, then when that period is ended, my mind cycles up again. That's mostly stopped recently, but I still have moments almost daily thinking about the show, and what pain it caused me.

I tend to get low blood sugar that makes me "hangry", which makes these feelings worse.

I've tried writing out my feelings, that only takes the edge off. I've tried writing out alternate endings, better timelines, anything to fix it, and those only help a little.

I've been talking with a therapist about this, and they've been helpful, but it's so frustrating to feel this way. I know it's a show, I've been told to get over it. I frustrated some of my family members at times and I'm afraid to tell them I'm still thinking about it.

I don't know what would fix this. I don't know how to change this. Even if the creator personally apologized to me I don't know if it would fix it. If I had a time machine to tell them their ending was terrible I'd want that, but I'm not even sure that would fix it.

Something in me doesn't want to let it go, and in response, my therapist has suggested that my brain might be finding something in there that I haven't deduced yet and that's why I'm clinging to it, but I haven't tried rewatching it yet.

It's so profoundly frustrating, so utterly painful.