Source
r/personalfinance•
PerceivedRT

Mother passed away recently

Other

Not 100% sure this is the correct place to ask this, but here goes.

My mother suddenly passed away recently via cancer. She has a mortgage with my father, and as far as I'm aware neither of them has a will. I recognize that under normal circumstances, most things including the mortgage/house will go directly to my father. However, my father has been out of our lives for between 15 and 20 years. I dont have any idea how to find him. We attempted to find him via google/social media when my mother first became ill, which gave us an address and number he was no longer associated with. Is there anything I can do to get the house signed over to me? Me and my brother intend to renovate and live in the home. I have a brother and sister, both of which are willing to sign over Rights to the property. We are on Long Island NY, Suffolk county for reference. I am open to paying off the rest of the mortgage if that somehow simplifies things. If additional information is needed I can most likely provide in the comments.

Posted Jul 22, 2023, 10:27 PM UTC

124
BouncyEgg​•

You should hire an estate attorney to guide you through this. Local law will take precedence.

3
PerceivedRTOP​•

Yeah, that's the idea. It's going to be really difficult, since money isn't exactly in a great place post death/funeral. Appreciate the advice regardless. Do you have any idea if there are places that would do this work (or some of it anyway) pro bono? I'll be honest, google is normally my best friend, but I feel like finding any sort of legal resources is difficult at best. And really sketchy at worst.

1
Annabel398​•

And online sources often ignore that estate law is extremely state-specific. I think you’re gonna have to bite the bullet and get a consult with a local estate attorney.

1
Smithy2232​•

If your parents are still married then the father would have the rights to everything. There are legal databases like Lexus Nexus and others that should be able to find him or let you know if he is still alive. Good luck.

1
Substantial_Shoe_360​•

Not sure, some states are 50% to spouse and 50% to be split amongst the kids.

1
Smithy2232​•

If you know, I'd be curious, what states? I've never heard of anything like that.

1
BouncyEgg​•

State rules can get real weird and complicated real fast.

1
Substantial_Shoe_360​•

Kentucky for one, if you do not have a will. Others have posted the same thing, I have a feeling not all Redditors are from KY.

1
CBus660R​•

In my state (Ohio), that's only if the children are minors. Adult children have no inherent rights to the estate. In OPs situation, the dad/husband can show up and claim it all.

1
climindamountain​•

For a New York resident without a will, a surviving spouse inherits the entire probate estate if there are no children or other descendants. If there are descendants, the surviving spouse gets the first $50,000 and the balance is divided one-half to the spouse and one-half to the decedent’s descendants. Texas, which is a community property state if their are descendants of the marriage only, all goes to surviving spouse, if there are descendants not of then marriage the surviving spouse gets confirmed to them their community 1/2 and the rest goes to descendants. Simple lesson here—you should not die intestate (ie. without a will) even when you think there isn’t much to pass down. Hell ifs it’s less, wouldn’t it be even more important it passes to whom and in what fashion you want it to.

While I don’t suggest as a permanent solution, every state allows a hand written will signed by the testator (a ‘holographic’ will). Generally to be valid a holographic will must be handwritten by the testator AND signed by the testator. Don’t type and write in changes or forget to sign. Then get an appointment with estate planning counsel to get a permanent well drafted will signed and ready to carry out your wishes and not the state you reside in—or more than one state if real property in different states.

GET YOUR WILLS AND ADVANCED DIRECTIVES DONE, SIGNED AND STORED WHERE THOSE THAT NEED TO GET THEM CAN DO SO. Good Luck!

1
grokfinance​•

Go hire a local estate planning attorney. If there was no will everything will have to go through probate which, depending on your state, can costs thousands of dollars and take 1-2 years. This is exactly why people need a will and living revocable trust. With a trust everything would be settled in a couple weeks for a lot less money.

1
PerceivedRTOP​•

You are 100% correct, was just trying to see if anyone had alternative suggestions. I spent a decade trying to convince her to set stuff up correctly, but sadly, couldn't force her. Appreciate the comment regardless.

1
climindamountain​•

Some states do not allow the appointment of an estate administrator or executor that’s not represented by counsel. So even trying to handle on your own may be impossible.

1
BitterPillPusher2​•

You need to hire an attorney to work through this. Her estate is more than her house. It's debts, bills, bank accounts, retirement accounts, etc. If your parents are still legally married, and I'm assuming they are or else you wouldn't have posted this, then it's too complicated for you to handle on your own.

1
PerceivedRTOP​•

That's the plan. I was just trying to see if anyone had any further suggestions or information to know about. Appreciate the suggestion.

1
Lollc​•

If you tell people what state she lived in someone with similar experience might have suggestions.

1
PerceivedRTOP​•

Yes, all of this is in NY

1
GeorgeRetire​•

This might help: https://nycourts.gov/courthelp/whensomeonedies/intestacy.shtml

1
bros402​•

You need to get an estate attorney - this may cost you guys a pretty penny. They're going to have to try to track him down. Have you checked background check sites like Intelius to do the $5 person searches?

1
PerceivedRTOP​•

I have not, but I will, and I appreciate the suggestion.

1
bros402​•

You could also check the Social Security Death Master File (ssdmf.info) and look for him there - it hasn't been updated in a while, though (I think around 8 years?).

1
Successful-Win7221​•

Definitely need to contact a local attorney. If you end up needing to do a probate or administration petition for your Mother’s estate, the process is extremely backed up in Suffolk County Surrogate’s court.

Were your parents married when they bought the house? Do you have a copy of the deed?

1
mare1679​•

I belong to this Facebook group called investigation connection. They can find anyone quickly. It is a wonderful group where they really try to help people. I took a screenshot but I can’t post it here. Also, go to the county courthouse and see if they have pro bono services. There might be a website also for the courthouse where you can find the info you need.

1
GeorgeRetire​•

My mother suddenly passed away recently via cancer.

Sorry for your loss.

​

She has a mortgage with my father, and as far as I'm aware neither of them has a will. I recognize that under normal circumstances, most things including the mortgage/house will go directly to my father.

If she actually has no will, it's almost certain that everything goes to your father.

Who was paying the mortgage?

​

However, my father has been out of our lives for between 15 and 20 years. I dont have any idea how to find him. We attempted to find him via google/social media when my mother first became ill, which gave us an address and number he was no longer associated with. Is there anything I can do to get the house signed over to me?

No, you cannot just get the house signed over to you.

Talk to an estate attorney. Probate laws vary by state. An executor must be appointed and a legal attempt to locate the rightful heir(s) must take place.

Just saying "well the heir is hard to find, so I'll just take everything" is a great way to get sued.

1