there’s something deeply wrong with me

I had a mental breakdown at work today.

I don’t know why or how. I was talking to one of my colleagues about resolving issues at the workplace (it’s a very toxic one) and while talking I felt myself tearing up suddenly. I excused myself saying I got something in my eye and went to the bathroom.

I bawled. I sobbed uncontrollably. I don’t know why.

It was an okay day. not much happened

we were talking about me getting a managerial position in a different store in the same company.

right now I’m a part timer who’s overqualified and overused. I just worked 11 days in a row and before that I worked 14 days in a row. I’ve had 4 days off in july and I’ve yet to hold the last 2.

I made some excuse that my dog passed out when my mom was taking him for a walk for why I was bawling and talked to my boss about leaving and having some days off.

I explained this to my boss who told me it’ll be even tougher when I become a manager. he said I needed to not overthink, listen to myself before I break down and not come in last minute.

I got to leave but I’m still deeply emotionally distraught. I want to throw up. I’m becoming a manager next week and even though I was JUST so excited and passionate about it, now I want to quit and run away. my whole body feels heavy and tired. I want to sleep forever. I can’t find peace and I’m constantly stressing about everything.

Every day I hear that I’m irreplaceable and they’ll be screwed without me due to understaffing. People have been happy for my new position but not without remarking that now they’ll be struggling without me. Every day. Every day they say I’m leaving them in dust. How am I supposed to be happy for myself

I’m not built for adult life. I’m not made to work myself dead and tired. I’m not made for long work days and pressure to perform and save money, earn money, make money, keep the money flowing, respond and talk to customers, take the phone in my free time, take calls from different stores across the country, clock in for overtime.

I’m going insane. If this continues for the rest of my life I’m killing myself