I opened up about my SA, half of my family don’t believe me and protect my rapist[part2]

One night we watched horror movies together in the guest room, my little cousin was in the middle, and after the movie ended I asked for my little brother to stay with me, instead of sleeping in the living room, he agreed. A went to sleep in the living room, I woke up and found that my little brother left, but I brushed it off, he was probably scared from a movie and went to sleep with grandma. I couldn’t sleep, so I played some games on my phone, and after some time I fell asleep. A woke me up, he was on top, and it happened again. I asked my parents to book my a plane ticket and I never went back. My parents got a divorce a year after the SA, it was painful for me too, I stayed with my mom, and went no contact with my dad, so there was no reason for him to visit us, my dad’s family never tried to contact us, my grandparents acted as if I didn’t exist. No birthday cards, nothing. I was 15, he was 20 on that winter break. I started sh, I lost weight, I’m 5’9” and I was 94lbs, the only thing that was keeping me afloat was school, I graduated at the top of my class, passed SAT successfully, and got into the top school in Italy. I wasn’t happy, but at least i was academically successful. I wore long sleeves all year round, but no one ever noticed, I turned on water in the shower and cried so that no one could hear me, I entertained the idea of suicide and death. I had attempted it once when I was senior in high school, I ended up hospitalised, but I told my parents that I was too stressed from all the university applications and finals at school. I went to therapy that same month, but I never talked about my SA.

My mom found out when I was 18 from my abusive ex, that I endured SA when I was a teen. I never told anyone that story, except for my ex. My mom was heartbroken, when I came back from college on a break to my family, my aunt and my mom sat me down and asked if I wanted to tell my dad, whom I barely spoke to, and who was still close with A since he’s his nephew. I contemplated a lot, I didn’t know what to do, and what would happen if I did, would he believe me? My mom put me in therapy, I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ed. And to this day I’m still on medications. After some time I came to the wrong conclusion that I was ready, I thought I wouldn’t care if my dad believed me or not, but I was too afraid to tell him myself, so I asked my mom and my aunt to do it for me. My dad came over for dinner and my mom and aunt talked to him, while I was out on a walk. My dad called A, who actually moved to our city and asked him to come to our house, he told my dad that it was all a lie I made up, and he only kissed me and it was consensual. My dad contacted me and asked me to come home, so I could confirm myself in front of A. that everything my mom and aunt told him was true. I couldn’t bring myself to seeing A. again, after all those years, so I asked my dad if I could meet him, my mom and my aunt without A. he agreed. I confirmed everything they said to my dad, and told him that A. is lying, and that I was too scared to tell them when I was a kid. He told me that only if I could talk about that in the presence of A, he would truly believe me, my heart shattered. I couldn’t. I simply couldn’t talk to him, even in front of him. I said “if suffering again is what it takes for you to believe my pain, and suffering all these years, then it’s a shame you are my father” I turned around, my mom and aunt took me home. My father never believed me, I haven’t brought it up ever again, and asked my mom and my family to never bring it up too, that I will get to it eventually. My dad recently posted a selfie with A. I’m 21 now, it’s been 6 years, and I’m still afraid everyday, I’m still confused as to why was me talking to my r4p1st was so important for dad to believe me, I still sometimes feel 15 years old, and alone, cause two closest men in my life let me down from the start.