I no longer fear death, I'm finally leaving!

Why not now? I have to sort some things out. I've began an extensive research on methods, execution, efficiency, safety for other people, personal belongings and most important - mental preparation. Because it takes a lot of strength and courage. It's extremely hard. Many times happened to me that I almost killed myself on the whim.

Now it will be well planned, I want to make it easier for my family. Life has been nothing but suffering so far and every time I gain hope it takes a spark to take it down. It's a never-ending cycle. And I've got tired of it. I'm really tired and I no longer have the will to live. Far too many people hurt me, and they ego is so big they refuse to apologize. I was humiliated today once again. People tell you they want to help when in reality they don't. They just want to use you.

Emotions exhaust me. I don't feel loved, I failed and got slapped in the face too many times. I've been abandoned countless times. Thankfully this time I don't feel abandoned.

I no longer fear death, I anticipate it. Because I know I will finally be at peace. I'll just sleep forever. And that's calming and soothing. I feel happy every time I think about it. I'm happy I'm finally leaving. :)