I Cant Handle This Anymore

I'm sorry if I seem hysterical but I'm going crazy.

I recently turned atheist 2-3 weeks ago from islam, and the transition has been hell, in every sense of the imagination. I know my religion cant be real, there is no creationism, there is no just god that would create hell, I mean its an infinite punishment for a finite crime, theres no proof for god. Theres no reason I should ever have to believe in god, or a prophet either, especially not one with so many despisable attributes.

But its always hell, just hell, I mean its eternity, forever and ever and ever, even the thought of it gives me anxiety, I mean imagine that, and my worst mistake was not bowing down to the man who couldnt give me a single shred of evidence he existed.

I mean there theres a cosmological argument there, and then a refutation for that, and a scientific miracle there, and a refutation for that, and an argument from contingency there, and then a refutation for that, even a mathematical proof there, and then a refutation for that. Just so many things all making me think what if its true, what am I doing wrong.

I see hell as the stupidest thing ever, but I've had it pushed in my brain a million times that I will either rot with the man who invented penicillin just because he didnt believe in allah or I will have to have eternal sex residing in the same place as the prophet who married a 6 year old girl, while all my best hindu, bhuddist, chrisitian, or whatever friends rot for no apparent reason.

I cant fucking handle it, everytime I try to see through it my eyes go blurry, I'm at my end here bro, I really am.