ashamed of my plentiful hookups (23F)

i (23F) feel deep despair over having slept with at least 20 men. two of which were un-consensual encounters where men proceeded to have sex with me after i firmly said NO… and then i gave in once they were already having sex with me. i’m 23 and just beside myself over everyone i have slept with. dating has gotten difficult for me to navigate especially, i feel ashamed and dirty to potential partners with them not knowing my past. i also feel as though i have given into sex far too many times and greatly disrespected myself in doing so. i understand that casual sex is acceptable in today’s world but i logically disagree with it as a whole for my own reasons. this is not something to just brush off my shoulder and ignore; i have real pain from it and i don’t know where to begin in healing. i am trying to address the fact i’ve created an unhealthy relationship with sex for myself… i don’t mean to be pompous but men do find me sexually attractive to a vast extent. most the time when i state my sexual boundaries to men i am even dating, they see it as a challenge or agree with me and follow up by trying to get in my pants. it’s exhausting and difficult feeling manipulated into sex a lot - however it is my responsibility to handle myself in those situations. i’ve done a poor job handling myself as you may see. i’ve definitely held myself accountable for my part but i’m definitely disappointed with the men i’ve dated. i’m hurt by my own actions and the people i’ve been intimate with. i feel dirty and used and confused in where to begin in recovering. i’m ready to face the pain but where do i begin? how can i get to a place of trusting myself and others again? how could someone i futuristically may love - ever accept this past and pain i am carrying?