Still Doesn’t feel real

Hey everyone. I (M22) lost my father just over a week ago. He was in the hospital for just under a month with a case of severe pancreatitis. I would spend at least 4-6 hours a day with him in the hospital through all the ups and downs. It was without a doubt the most traumatic time I’ve gone through. Seeing him suffer so much was so terrible. Right as things looked like they were improving, he had a bad day. Me and my mom had to leave, knowing things weren’t improving but thought things were stable at least. As we were halfway home, we got a call from the hospital saying that we needed to give consent to intubate him, or else he’d die within minutes. Shocked and confused, we said yes if it was the only chance to save him. We both knew he was probably gone and it was too late to go back to the hospital to say our goodbyes, and sure enough he passed away the next morning. I had to start my senior year of college 2 days after. Luckily my college is in my city so I am living at home. I was at first hesitant to start school, because of all the severe trauma I am going through/went through over the last month. School is also difficult for me because I have a stutter, and is a big source of anxiety for me even in normal circumstances. I chose to go to school and so far I’m happy I did, as it has been a good distraction, and I know that’s what my Dad would have wanted. However, obviously I am in a great deal of pain. But right now, it sometimes doesn’t even feel like pain all the time. It feels like I’m in a very bad dream but am also numb to every emotion I am feeling. I don’t know how to explain it exactly. I suppose the best way that I can is just by saying nothing feels real at all anymore. And when I do remind myself this is actually real it’s an unbearable pain. Things in my life weren’t goin well even in the months leading up to losing him. But now that I’ve lost him, it just makes it so much worse. We would talk about everything together. He wasn’t just my father, he was also my best friend. I suppose I am just writing this because I don’t have any other place to put it and I could use some advice from people that know what I’m going through, because not very many people I know have lost a parent yet, given that I’m only 22. I suppose the main questions I have are: how do you balance day-to-day life and grieving at the same time? Can you? Is it normal to be in such shock for weeks after the death that nothing feels real anymore? Thank you to whoever read this. I hope you all are doing as well as you can in your grieving journey and I look forward to participating in this community.