I absolutely love this movie, but I absolutely hate this movie....

For a bit of back story. For the longest time I thought I was gay. After I did the whole "should I hate myself or try to love my life the way I am" arc of my teenage years, I actually allowed myself to finally explore. And what I found was not only was s*x horrible, I could not imagine myself getting into a relationship. All my friends were getting together and all the romcoms, all I could think was that love was so cringe and hated to have to pretend that way to be in a relationship. Needless to say that f'd me up. I had a mental breakdown thinking I was a sociopath and that I would die alone. No friends and no family. I actually came to the conclusion that I was not gay, but ace. It still sucked, but it helped me understand who I was, and the idea of pretending to love someone just to not die alone was far more tiring than just being alone. I was contempt, I was moving on to a new chapter of my life. Then this movie came out. At first I avoided it because the premise seemed cheesy as he'll, but after hearing so many great reviews I decided to give it a try. And something in me clicked. I watched the movie three times now, and each time I get more and more devastated. For the first time in my life, I actually felt a romantic connection towards someone. Bur not really the characters, but the love they had for each other. I started longing for someone I could love like that, and it's bring my entire world view upside down. I've even broken down crying at work because my dumb ass couldn't stop thinking about how I've made my bed, and everybody gets to be happy with someone else. Everyone except me. And i don't know what to do.