I'm bi and want to come out

Basically I (16M) have been bi for almost a year now, and I have also been quite reserved regarding my preferences, especially with family. I don't blame them for being kinda homophobic, but that also means I do not feel comfortable with telling them the truth. Only my best friend and some other people know, but even with them, I've never been eager of talking about that stuff with them.

The first time I recall being attracted to another guy was when I was 13. I was looking for a math teacher and my dad found this college dude who also gave classes as a side gig. He was tall, a bit chubby and not that handsome tbh, but I remember being a little bit nervous around him, and being happy when he was around. Something about his personality made me develop feelings, but I lost contact with him after I passed my exams and even if i didn't, he wasn't interested in me at all (also he literally was like 7 years older so there was no way things would've worked out). A year later I was questioning if I was straight or not, as I felt curious about having a romantic relationship with another guy, but a conversation with a friend of mine discouraged me from accepting my orientation.

The funny thing is that some time later I fell for a girl who was in my class, and somehow we started dating after 3 months of knowing each other, so in my head the thought of liking boys was just a silly thing that I shouldn't think much about. Well, the girl broke up with me and my dumbass got destroyed by this, but I eventually got over it and moved on with my life. Not having a female couple meant that the silly thought I had over a year ago came back and this time really haunted me. I talked to a friend about this and she suggested that I should try and watch some gay NSFW to see if my feelings were sexual or romantic, which in a weird way led to the problem I have now. I decides to follow her weird advice and literally searched "gay" on the hub. I scrolled a bit and found a video which got my attention because the dude who uploaded it was wearing fishnets and a sweater, which obviously made him look girly. He had a pretty girly physique and it was hot but more importantly, I thought that he was really cute and pretty. It was then that I realized that if they gave me the chance to date a boy who was like that, I would totally be into it.

I then decided that I was bi, but I never realized that my type was not the beefy and handsome kinda guys, but rather the small, cute and girly guys. I ain't saying that I wouldn't fall for a "normal" dude (because technically it happened) but I truly felt so attracted by the cute boys that falling for a man who wasn't like that simply felt wrong. Basically I like femboys, and some people might say what I just want a girlfriend with a weiner, but something about the video that I saw that day might have led to me into developing that preference.

The reason I want to come out is because I really feel interested in trying to have a romantic relationship with another man. The problem is that even if my family accepts my sexual orientation, how would they even react to the eldest of the generation being attracted to cute and girly boys, even worse, wanting to be all lovey dovey with one. Another problem is that I really don't know anyone who fits into this "femboy" thing, which means going into an adventure to try and find a cute guy who is open to dating a man.

I dunno man, this whole thing has been a mess, and I really think that the easiest solution is to give up on my wish and keep this desire of mine private until I am an adult (or maybe I could fly to Thailand 💀). Sorry if I was too annoying to read, this is my first time being kinda open about what I have been feeling for years now, so I want to vent out everything I can. Thanks for reading <3