Source
r/AskReddit•
One6124

Fathers of Reddit: Were you in the delivery room when your child was born? Did the child end up being yours biologically? My story inside.

Posted Jan 9, 2013, 3:48 PM UTC · edited

222
Sirusavath•

Paragraphs!

5
zarp86•

OP Story:

I met a girl, as you do at the young age of 17 (she was 18). Being 17 and dumb...we had protected and unprotected sex a few times. You ultimately knew it was a bad idea...but hey, I'll just pull out. I'm faster than science! A couple of months pass, and wouldn't you know...science beat me to the egg. She's pregnant. Of course I freak out. But given my strong Christian up-bring, and at the time I had love for her...we decided to keep the baby and move on with the pregnancy.

Now I must say that I had no idea what was ahead of me. Being 17 in high school, about to graduate and having a pregnant girlfriend was not originally on my 5 year plan. I missed out on all sorts of fun. Prom, parties...freedom. Yet, I found a way to cope. You know, because I had love for her and new born on the way. I won't go into too much detail, but she wasn't a very fun person to be around when she was pregnant. As you can imagine one wouldn't be. It was a very hard time in our life.

Well, I did graduate and had a job and we were working to get a place of our own. Then one magical night (about 9 months later), we rush to the hospital. It's baby time! Time to see this little girl I have been waiting so patiently on! Now some guys might say, no way! Not me, I'm not going in there to watch that. I say, do it! I highly recommend it, it's not beautiful by any means. It's just amazing to watch the end result of an actual human being born. Anyway, it's time. I see my daughters head come out and the rest of the body come out! Wow! Crazy! But...umm...the color? Very dark blueish. I ask is everything ok? Yes, the baby is fine, says the doctor. Just need to clean her up. Her color will lighten up. So she gets all cleaned off and wrapped up and they put her into my arms. Yes, her skin did change colors. It did lighten up a bit...but only to the mocha color.

Now I know what you are thinking. OP, what is your skin color? I'm white. And...well...what about the mother? What's her skin color? Yeah, she is white too. So, i'm holding her and knew instantly. This baby is not mine. It's very obvious with her darker skin and curly hair. So, I hold her for a bit then hand her over to mom. Ask mom if she is ok and if she needed anything. Then said, I will be right back...going to smoke a cigarette. I go outside and freak out and throw up. I eventually gather myself and something inside me pulls back to the room. After holding her and looking at her beautiful face, and all the time I put in with this pregnancy. I accepted this child as my own.

About 4 months later I married that woman. We have since divorced (12 years ago). My daughter is now 16 years old. I had another child (white this time) with the same woman. She is 14 years old. I re-married to a wonderful woman with no children over 7 years ago. I am so blessed to have her in my life. She helped raise my children with me. And now we are trying to have a baby of our own. A few things: 1. My ex-wife and I share custody of our children. 2. Yes, I do know who the biological father is of my 16 year old. 3. If I had to do it over, would I change anything? I would change a few things...I won't go into details. But I would ultimately still want both my daughters.

Please tell me your story. Am I the only one? I will also answer any questions as best as I can. Please be kind. This is my first real post.

3
One6124OP•

Thanks zarp86! I will edit!

1
Zykium•

You can't turn a ho into a housewife

3
rob2060•

Yes, I was and yes, she is.

Does/did the biological father have any role in her life?

3
One6124OP•

We (my ex-wife & I), took my daughter to his house when she was 4 or 5 months old. I handed her to him. He held her for a moment. Then passed her back to me and said, "This is not my child". I nodded and took her back and walked out. Mind you that no tests had been done. But that was her boyfriend at the time she meet me. He is the only black man (to my knowledge) that she has been with.

2
rob2060•

Some will mock you for your actions but I commend you for the self sacrifice it took to ensure your little girl had a father. Good man.

3
One6124OP•

Thank you. Looking back on it, clearly the decision was not a logical one. I made it with a 17 year old heart. And knowing the "bio" father, she wouldn't have a much of a shot at a good life.

3
rob2060•

If we based all of life's decisions on logic, we would likely never have kids...and life would be rather boring.

That said, there's a certain logic to it. By knowing the bio father and evaluating her chance at a good life vs. your ability to provide that for her, you made a good choice, if one that caused you sacrifice.

I'm not a religious man but if there's justice and karma in the universe, you've earned some +1s.

3
[deleted]•

Yes, I was in the delivery room. And yes, the child is biologically mine. And yes, it's a wonderful experience seeing your baby born. If I were all flowery and prone to hyperbole I'd even call it a magical experience. I'd highly recommend it to all fathers-to-be.

Have you ever heard the Steely Dan song Haitian Divorce? I think you'd relate to it pretty well.

3
One6124OP•

I love Steely Dan! I don't recall the song. But I will look it up and give a listen to. Thanks!

1
[deleted]•

oh man.....that's your kinda song.

2
One6124OP•

Wow! Just listened. Well played Steely Dan. Well suggested doobie-scooo!

2
[deleted]•

I did not read your entire post but to answer your question:

  • Child 1 - Boy, IN delivery room, C-section, biologically mine.

  • Child 2 - Boy, NOT in delivery room, Overseas, c-section, biologically mine.

  • Child 3 - Girl, IN delivery room, natural birth, NOT biologically mine.

  • Child 4 - Boy, NOT in delivery room, Overseas, Natural birth, biologically mine.

  • Child 5 - Boy, NOT in delivery room, Overseas, Natural Birth, biologically mine.

3
shakamalaka•

Yes to both questions.

Obviously I was in the delivery room. I don't know any fathers who weren't in the delivery room when their children were being born. The idea of the dad not being there is really outdated. I'll be a dad again in a few months, and I'm definitely going to be in the delivery room again as well.

As for your situation with the kid not being biologically yours, I don't think most people here are going to be able to share your experience.

3
Stratpat•

Yes. Yes.

2
BeefyMcPissflaps•

Castle-o-text.

Where's my TLDR?!

2
Terrorapart•

You are one hell of a guy to take responsibility, especially at such a young age, for a child that you KNEW was not yours. How did you go about justifying that with your parents--being that you were raised with a strict Christian upbringing? I'm just curious. Also, are you absolutely positive that she isn't yours? Did you do DNA testing? I ask this because genetics are really weird, and even though a child may not look like you by any means, it doesn't necessarily mean that those are not the genes you donated. My brother gets mistaken for a Latino man all the time (we both have olive complexions and dark hair with brown eyes). Two out of his 3 children have blonde hair, blue eyes, and light complexions.

2
One6124OP•

Thanks! My parents didn't take my decision too kindly. But I really gave them no choice. They ended up being very supportive and are still to this day. She is treated just the same. No test were done. It's very clear who the father is. He has done this with many girls and his few children of the same age look like my daughter. But I know what you are saying...I guess after I made the decision to stay and raise her, it didn't matter.

2
Master2u•

Wow, you are dumb.

-2
One6124OP•

Ouch. Thanks.

1