Bonus Ficnapped: Goj-Gurt Gelid Gibberish

There is another.
Thanks to u/oobanooba- for organising ficnapping and to u/spacepaladin15 for the universe.

“Only a coward would pick Goj-Gurt”

CW: Blood, Guts, Death, Eating sapients, General arxur business

---

Memory transcription subject: Teskel, Product designer at VoidMeadow farms
Date [standardised human time]: June 12th, 2138

“Seriously?”

“You know the drill, Tes. The prey makes a cute sounding foodstuff of themselves, we make the fun version! We did it with VenBits, we did it with Krakotl-Os, now we do it with GojGurt. I think this has some real potential!”

While the boss was right about our usual activities this one still felt a little out there, VenBits was easy and the krakotl cereal was just chunks of hollow bone. This was different, i’d never even heard of a ‘yogurt’ before.

“Just run me through what their products even are again”

I sat my snout on a hand as I looked up at the chipper, slightly overweight arxur standing in front of me. If it wasn't for his family he’d have never made it through betterment.

“Yogurt is a human food produced by them fermenting milk”

“I got that bit, they make their own breast fluids go rancid and eat it. Disgusting. Continue.” The human concept of milk and milk derived products did not help my already negative image of them.

“It's not their own milk but anyway, once they produce their yogurt, they freeze it along with flavourings and then eat it. In this case it's of course made using fake milk because the prey cant eat real food”

“Boss, with all due respect, I’m not milking a fucking gojid”

I tightened the hand under my snout, scrunching my eyes shut as I began thinking about how I could even begin to emulate this complete affront to proper nutrition. The boss's voice swiftly pulled me from my thoughts again, I swear he never shut up.

“At the human establishment they also shape their products into various different prey creatures, but just stick with the things namesake for now. You can achieve this however you want, milking or not. Have fun, Taskel”

With a respectful nod I got up and removed myself from the rather luxurious office, heading back through the metallic corridors to my small testing facility. At least now I was out of there I wouldn't have to endure the suffering of more prophet forsaken talking. Once back at my warehouse-like space I found that some other staff had already taken the liberty of supplying me with a few subjects, the cages along the right of the room now crammed with a number of gojid. Their pleas began as soon as I entered, but stopped just as fast as I switched off my translator. No toying with my food today, we had work to do.

---

Memory transcription subject: Teskel, Product designer at Voidmeadow farms
Date [standardised human time]: June 15th, 2138

“Concept one” I began, clicking to the first slide on my thankfully short presentation. “The simplest option is usually the best. I took one of the prey, blended it and then froze the remains like the human dessert”

The slide changed again, playing a looping video of the gojid I chose being thrown into the spinning blades of one of our standard large scale blenders. As soon as its screaming form touched the blades it was unceremoniously reduced to splattering blue paste. Secretly I had always wondered what happened if you underfilled these things.

Next to the video was a photograph of the finished product, unassuming blue “frozen yogurt” in a paper cup, decorated with a broken quill. I had managed to get it to look quite similar to the real thing, though hadn't taken the liberty of attempting to shape it into a preys effigy.

“Taste testers reported that it was quite delicious, though described it as having a bitty-ness to it due to the bone and quill fragments”

One of the board members looked up at me as he finished writing in his notebook, flipping it to the next page with a claw. “Seems promising, easy to produce too. Continue”

With a nod I switched to the next slide. “Concept two is just an extension of concept one. Instead of blending the entire prey, I removed the best cuts and processed just them instead”

This time the slide displayed the removed limbs of one of the gojid, the delicious blue flesh having been stripped off its bones and fed to the same blender. The creature was visible in the corner of the frame, hanging from a meat hook through its chest.

“This time the taste testers reported a richer flavour without the bone bits, though sadly the deboning step adds a lot to the production cost”

“Hmmm…” the same arxur began, tapping his notebook with the same claw. “As you said, it would raise the cost… this would do well as a treat for our richer customers though. Please, carry on.”

I bowed my head again, clicking my remote to the next slide. “Concept three, Instead of using the whole prey I extracted blood from one, then used a mild coagulating agent to thicken it before freezing again”

The slide displayed a very similar cup, though with a more uniform dark blueness. More of the thickened blood was drizzled over the top, along with the same quill garnish.

“This one is by far the easiest to produce, and can be made cheaply as it does not require the use of an entire animal. Taste testers reported it was delicious though very light. Good snack that won't ruin the appetite for a proper meal”

Another board member spoke up from the meeting room's table, tapping her pen against the wooden surface. “I like this one, cheap and simple”.

I nodded thanks before continuing again.

“Four! Brains. A somewhat underrated organ and normally one that just gets blended up with the rest of the prey.” The next slide displayed a more gruesome scene, one I was sure would get the board members excited for our new product. Test fours gojid had been restrained in a chair-like device and had had the top of its skull removed, exposing the brain tissue beneath.

“Extraction of the brain is quite simple and doesn't take much away from the other uses for the cattle”

The slide changed again as I clicked the remote, changing to a few point-of-view photos of me digging into the creature's brain with a serving spoon, filling another paper cup. Oh how I loved how that one had kicked and screamed, perhaps my excitement for concept four wasn't just due to the food aspect.

“Once removed, I again froze it. Taste testers report a rather unique flavour, similar to that of the muscle but stronger. More akin to the marrow than normal meat”

“Makes sense”, spoke the last member of the small group, an elderly man who had been with the company far longer than the rest of us. “All nervous system meat tastes similar, personally I quite enjoy it. Good creativity, Teskel.”

“Thank you sir. I feel you will like number five the best in that case.”

I straightened myself up before flicking to the last slide, watching with excitement as the three arxur in front of me perked up slightly. This time the slide displayed not a paper cup but the entire severed head of another gojid, the skull having been removed in much the same was as before. Its frozen eyes stared at us through the screen as its tongue hung limply from its mouth, several of its quills sticking from the mashed and frozen grey matter in its skull.

“Another expensive option, but don't our highly paying customers deserve a treat too? The prey's head is removed and its skull opened, before the entire thing is frozen as is. Here I have used its quills as decoration again, but we can always experiment with other garnishes too.”

I paused for the group, though they showed no signs of stopping. Hungry eyes fixed on the screen. This was just the result I wanted, they could only get so appetized by a cup of meat, this furry natural bowl was far more enticing.

“Taste testers reported this as their favourite, and they greatly enjoyed crunching down the edible bowl too. Your thoughts, superiors?”

After a moment the first arxur lay his notebook on the table, only finally breaking his view of the prey's head. “This one has… strayed from the source material a little, but I can't deny how delicious it looks, and how much fun we could have making them…”.

“I agree.” Spoke the female, now having stopped the incessant tapping of her pen. “And it's not too far from the human meals, they did shape their yogurt after the prey after all.”

The pair fell silent as their leader shifted in his chair, resting his snout on his interlaced fingers while looking thoughtfully into my eyes. “Very good work, Teskel. We will deliberate on which idea to go with, and GojGurt will be on the market within the week”