I am heavily debating it can I ask for someone to listen to my story and try to convince me please

Hi Im 19 and at college right now. I dont really know how to start because Im not able to think straight. Ok, I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember, I also heavily struggled with a fear that I am unloveable and that Ill die alone. This was kind of alleviated when I got a boyfriend. I lived for him, loved him and devoted my entire self to him. We have dated for 3 and a half years eventually he had an episode (BPD) and said horrible things to me and in my anger I treated him in a way that was not helpful to the episode causing it to get worse. The next day we had a conversation about it and he told me that he realized he is Aromantic. At the time I couldn’t really process it but after I could I realized. A man that I loved with all of my heart for 3 years is telling me that he doesn’t feel the same way and never would feel the same way. At least thats the way I interpreted it in my mind. Eventually I messaged him feeling hurt and angry and accused him of never loving me and lying whenever he said so. He said that he did love me but it was different and I didnt believe him in my anger. I continued attacking him and accusing him of horrible things and its my fault for not taking a step back to calm down and re-evaluate and for being horrible to him. We broke up. Ive been sobbing for the past two days because I thought I would end up marrying him. I loved him so much and I hurt him and he wants nothing to do with me because of the way I acted and says that he feels nothing for me right now because of how I made him feel. Because of my mental problems I can only find purpose in other people whether it be friends (who I havent been in contact with) or my partner. And now I dont have either there fore I feel like I have no purpose. Ive been feeling the urge to commit and right now Im looking at a large bottle of tylenol that Ive been planning on drinking with liquor.