Been asking myself why.

I’ve been asking myself why I drink. It’s not like I drink “much” but I have been drinking every day for most of my life. It’s always been easy for me to justify. Long day at work, cleaning the house, just hanging out, it’s ok to have a few beers. That’s been my philosophy for I don’t know how long. But why do I do it? When I was younger it was cool. A way to bond, connect, meet people. I’m older now and what am I doing night after night. I’m numbing something but I don’t know what. I know I’m stuck in my head a lot. Over analyzing, overthinking, stressing. A few beers gets me out of my head. I’m restless. Constantly. A few beers gives me the feeling that “it’s ok “ to stop for a bit and relax. I’m socially awkward around people. A few beers and it’s easier to start a conversation. I’m lonely. A few beers and I’m still lonely just maybe ok with it for a time. I’ll wake up say I need to do better and the cycle repeats at the end of the day. I need to do better.