You’ve hurt me so many times. I had to walk away.

It’s so cold when you let go. But I couldn’t stay any longer. Your words didn’t mean much anymore. You kept making the same actions and not changing your behavior. It does hurt to let you go. I hope you can find a motivation to get better. You chose alcohol over me. I hope whoever is there in the future is comfortable with you choosing alcohol too. But maybe you will get the help you need by then. In that case she will be the luckiest person in the world.

It’s been almost one month and it’s so cold. I’m not eating. I cant sleep. My stomach has the same feeling each morning and sometimes I end up puking. I try and pray for you. I pray that you can work on yourself and heal. I picture us in that future we were creating. Then I blame myself for making that future no longer exist. Why did I have to convince myself to finally let go? Why didn’t I just stay with you after you blew another chance? But I couldn’t lie to myself any longer. You kept choosing alcohol. I no longer have to worry if you will be okay. I have some healing to do too. I hope you’re enjoying your birth week. I cant stop praying about your court date coming up. Push through this. I miss your shadow but I don’t miss being disappointed. Goodbye for now.