Rant about being curvy + ED

I’ve been thinking about my body and ED lately. I’ve slowly overcome that ED, but I worry my overly healthy diet is just another way I disguise my ED. I lose any appetite for anything containing fat, sugar, etc. I’ve become one of those people that takes anything with excess oil and using a tissue to remove as much as I can. Now, I’m slowly eating less and drinking more coffee. Whether it be a loss of appetite due to my period approaching or an unconscious relapse to my ED, I don’t know. But I’ve been hyperfocusing on different parts of my body. I’ve lost weight, I work out daily, I try to eat as much protein as I can. But I still have stubborn fat in areas that aren’t as easy to target. Lower stomach fat, aka, a pooch. I’m petite but still a curvy women. The pooch had always been there the moment I hit puberty. No matter how skinny I got, it was still there. It would get slightly flatter if I lost a significant amount of weight, but never fully flat. I also have love handles, and a bit of extra fat on my arms. As I said, I’m a curvy women. I’d come to accept the fact that due to having naturally larger breasts, extra fat on my arms was inevitable. I don’t know, I keep comparing myself to slim people despite us having different body types. I consider lipo as an option to remove that extra fat in my pouch, love handles and maybe arms, but I feel like im failing myself. I 100% support cosmetic surgery, but I feel like I’ve never fully accepted my body as is. I worry I might find different faults in myself and take it too far. I want to be seen as beautiful as I am, and be confident in who I am, and I don’t want to jump into lipo when I’m already on the verge on relapsing on my ED.

Im meeting with my boyfriend again soon after some long distance over the summer. Id always been insecure about having sex naked. Id usually always keep an article of clothing on or do it when it’s a bit dark. It’s because of the areas I’m insecure about that I’ve mentioned. He’d always been with slim girls before, so I’m the first curvy girl he’d been with. He loves me, he’s very attracted to me, but I don’t know. I suck my stomach in to death and it looks ridiculously obvious with the huge scar I have on my stomach. Maybe I’m relapsing in my ED again because I’m meeting him soon and I want to look the best I can. This was just a rant, if any curvy girls can share similar experiences please do