I'm lost.

This is just gonna be a whole bunch of my emotions thrown into a bunch of paragraphs, I guess.

I’m a paleotherian. Not a lot of us around here. It’s a different experience from a wolf, a fox, a cat, any living animal therian. It feels painful, in a way. Since there’s less of us, there’s few people to help me. To understand me, to guide me. As a therian with a type that lived so long ago, but still I don’t even know specifically my theriotype, it’s hard. Any therian gets a hard time at some point, but it’s different.

I don’t live in the right place, the right body, the right time… I don’t belong here. I want to scream. I don’t live anywhere that can give me a good idea of my own habitat, my rainforest home. Nowhere on earth can replicate it, even. It’s gone. The closest thing I have is my school field, which has a huge open space with trees and grass. But it doesn’t work. My therian friends are both cats, but that means even they have no idea what it’s like. Them, and you guys, are the only ones I have to understand me now, but paleotherians are rare.

I don’t have anywhere to go. I’m in the wrong time, place and body, my life feels wrong. Everything feels wrong. I’m crying as I write this. I hate it. My home was destroyed, humans came along, artificial everything surrounds me, I can barely even envision my own home anymore. Now I’m a human too.

I don’t have anything but vocals and wandering my school field that can connect me. It’s just dysphoria. All of it hurts, I can’t do anything. Just dysphoria. I hate this. Why was I taken to this body? Why am I here, why amn't I a dinosaur? I lived then not now. I hate it all, I hate it, I HATE IT.

FUCK MYSELF, FUCK LIFE, FUCK EVERYTHING AT THIS POINT.

Help me. I’m lost, misplaced, misunderstood. This is the worst I’ve ever felt about therianthropy. It only occurred to me now how much I lost and won't get back. Why is therianthropy so hard? Why am I like this? I belong in the lush vegetation of the swampy woods, I should have claws, a long tail, I should be hunting and surviving and being, not this. I want to die.

What the fuck is wrong with me?