I hope I don’t see you in there today.

I’m worried about not what’s real but what ur going to choose to say just for your own gain or to cruelly y and unusually punish me ENK.

You’ve really made me into a monster for everything ENK. But not anymore. With the class we had to te and the stuff I learned there. I know it’s gonna b a long process but ur the one that will get seen for who they are. I’ve grown in maturity rushing it at certain points and still try to do the best I can to do the next mental health thing u say I needed, changed myself physiologically accommodating ur day and night patterns along with eating patterns, and I have asked for small things that I have received nothing reciprocal in the process besides more conditional love based on how u feel about the past that day or as long as I do one more thing before that u need from me to help you MAYBE start one of your processes and guess what when I would t b able to do something or I didn’t agree with u bam I was cut off. Cut off from good mornings cut off from hugs or kisses cut off from asking questions to fix anything, cut off from talking with J. You literally just go to whatever the next best thing to punish me. Sometimes you would come back after the small arguments and u would apologize somewhat just saying that something else was going on or it made I remember something I did so I would have to apologize for you getting upset then. U think ur the one that is always right and never lies and works the hardest but that’s all delusional thinking for any normal person on earth. People mess up, people say ahh fuck ya got me I dont know wen their white lies get caught and stop saying them as you get older, people actually go to work and take care of the rest of life’s responsibilities regularly instead of somehow doing whatever it is u did to scrape by all this time with as much money as u wanted to buy urself and J and prolly Cor and I heard about Biggens and I’m sure there’s other people that u just “hung out” with while I was at work and J was with mem or gam. Then you fight me tooth and nail about thinking it’s me about going thru my fone about finding stupid Facebook comments to bitch about. What would have happened if I really went thru ur phone and u didn’t get to do anything with it before. The small amount of times that I did get to see some of ur phone I never really thought about it then because I would watch you go thru most of my txt messages and my calls cuz u knew they werent that bad and I didn’t use social media chats like u did. I didn’t even realize about the ways u were prolly talking to whoever it is that u wanted to and what was really being said back and forth until go finally deciding to not b so aggressive anymore. Which I guess u don’t consider it cheating if there was nothing physical happening but I’ve heard the term emotional affair and that hurt me real bad along with the thought of u finally being with them came to my irrational sad mad confused brain later down the line. It just proved that I could keep trying to do what u ask of me and it would never be enough while also getting treated as if I’m keeping u prisoner and really never do anything good every time I didn’t respect ur feelings or went against how u wanted something. U know u told me JG-Ma agreed with u wen u we’re talking with her about me being a narcissist and that’s what made me really start looking into the psychology videos and all of that and made me question myself about really being one and I still do honestly cuz it still hurts me so bad that this is happening that I want and need stuff to b my fault so I could fix it for us and not hurt u and not have myself hurt like this. I finally asked her if that talk really happened and she laughed at me and said when have I ever talked about anyone behind their back like that, if I think u need to do something or change something I tell u to do it because you should always be bettering yourself. Followed up with another chuckle finally saying talk about emotional manipulation. You know sort of like pot kettle black except more like the pot has white paint around it wen they wanted to call the kettle black to other people then got home and washed off and still kept calling the kettle black and had her family join in when all of them are pots as well with paint on ignoring each others absence of paint. Weird analogy but it works kinda well for what u and ur family do. I hope this class actually shows u that 85 percent of how I wanted to go about this and u told me that I was wrong but really was actually right. But again like almost everyone else has said to me things will continue to b my fault or responsibility to deal with and still get nothing reciprocal in return except some more conditional love. Fuck I can’t believe this.