I'm 31 and I feel more lost than I did a decade ago.

Forgive me if this rambles a bit, I don't normally vent like this online but I have been having a rough couple of years and feel like I need to (I have a tldr at the bottom of my current mental state this is mainly to like justify to myself for feeling like that). A little background, I am late diagnosed (by both doctor and therapist) autistic and I have depression and anxiety. I work and have been working fulltime plus since I was 18, currently at my second full time job and first not through a temp agency and have been there going on 8 years. I also am in therapy, just wanna like scream into the void a bit if that makes sense.
My problems all kinda center around my inability to make and maintain friends I believe. I had a small circle when I was little but then I got really sick and got pulled out of school and was home schooled from 3-7 grade (It was Christian schooling which I have a whole separate rant about) and everyone kinda moved on when I wasn't around, I wasn't allowed to have friends and where I lived was somewhat isolated until they built apartments across from me, so I went four years just kinda being alone and not having the mental understanding that I was supposed to have some social system that wasn't just my parents (I was sick growing up a lot so I wasn't able to be part of the children's programs so I had 0 friends my own age until I got into public school again) but I had zero bearing for how life was outside of video games and cartoons/anime (This was in the early to mid 2000s so I didn't have a computer or internet access). Well, when I got into 7th grade I got dumped into public school and.... it was hell. I had zero friends and spent most of my time hiding from everyone who would pick on the tall fat Hawaiian shirt wearing kid who wore a fanny pack with his meds in it with zero social skills. Eventually I did find one friend, a girl I met in the hospital when my grandma was in who was missing an arm and we got close. Through her I had a small social group that kinda kept me safe if that makes sense. 8th grade was a little better, had a better grasp on life, made some friends including.... let's call her Cindy.
High school started and I had to completely restart my social life outside of my one armed friend. I know I am not alone there. Freshman year sucked, I had poor grades which looking back on it stemmed from my mental stuff (Verified by therapist and doctor). Not gonna bore you all but I had a friend circle from sophomore year to senior year. I graduated somehow and ended up kinda living for a bit. I got internet and ended up doing young man on the internet stuff I kinda hate myself for at times. I got a job and moved away from home within a few months and started deprogramming a lot of the stuff I was raised with, and realized I had religious trauma. I met my ex wife the following year, we started dating two days after my 20th birthday and it was, looking back, the worst decision of my life.
I wasn't a good partner either, I want that noted. Some trauma I don't wanna say came up and instead of getting help I tended to lash out. Most of my friend circle left, save a few people (One armed friend and Cindy, along with some newer "friends" I made from promoting their bands). I left my job after almost 7 years and life took a turn for the worse there. I got my current job which I am thankful for, pay is near what I need and they are flexible with me especially these past two years when my mental state tanked. But I got married to my ex, and we moved into a house close to my work and a good school for the kid I was helping raise, but far from anything to do. Slowly I wasn't getting out as much, we had one car so my ex used it to go to her work, I would usually walk home, get kid from after school stuff, go home, make dinner, fool around online or game a bit, go to bed. Every day. It got to the point after a while I had to fight with my ex to get her to watch her own kid so I could do stuff, I made a newer friend but it didn't last. Cindy left, One armed friend was in and out of therapy and landed herself a good job overseas and those who I thought were friends never talked to me. I met someone through a game I play in person one night when I had to beg my ex to have her stay home with the kid and me and him talked for a long time and he told me what was going on wasn't normal. that being essentially forced to be sole childcare for a kid and having no social life wasn't normal and heavily suggested I leave her.
So, I pulled every string with her I could and got her to agree to let me make a week trip to Texas to go to a card game event in 2019, it was September. Before that I actually met my current partner through my one armed friend cat fishing her friend's fiance on tinder. We meshed really good and she happened to be in Texas at the time. When I was on the trip my phone was off, I didn't talk to my ex at all and she didnt message me. I told her on the drive back I was leaving her after seeing what a healthy group of people looked like (Was the first time I put my foot down with someone for how they treated me)
Covid happened and the divorce went through and my new partner through some shitty events lived with my ex and me and was childcare in exchange for rent, brought up moving but my partner being the saint she is didnt wanna leave kiddo like that. We finally moved out in 2022 just due to life.
We did break up for a bit and I got into therapy. Leaving out some interpersonal stuff but I had a lot of toxic traits I still work on. We got back together but during the breakup I felt alone. I am an introvert but no one wanted to be around me. No one messaged, even my one armed friend who I practically considered family. I would go days on end without talking to people and during this my mom got a simple to treat kind of cancer but my parents used it to constantly guilt trip me into talking to them (My mother is a narcissistic liar and a control freak and my father enables it so I have minimal contact with them even tho they spam me daily to talk to them but I usually just say I am at work and my boss is chill enough to vouch for it) but when I turned 30 I was considering pressing alt f4 on myself and it culminated with getting chewed out by my father for almost an hour on my birthday for not talking to them more. I actually went the full day after with no one around and I felt crushed.
Year came to an end and things go better. Me and my partner, after she saw improvement with how I was got back with me and we started to rebuild. I have like two friends who I talk to but.... This is the real like problem. I have to initiate every conversation I have with anyone who isnt my partner. One of my friends got herself a boyfriend and I am gonna be put by the wayside, I made peace with that, I am honestly happy for her, she is like me and it is nice to see that she can get a social group going. The other is just busy, but she also lives in another state and she is happy right now that she is getting to visit her home state and visit her friends. I feel alone all the time when people aren't around. I have no online friend group, I avoid multiplayer games because of it outside of like darktide and I feel like I am gonna go the rest of my life alone with none of the social milestones people have growing up. I was working and going to college full time along with being a parent until I was 27, I missed my 21st and stopped trying after my 23rd to make plans.
The big TLDR for all of this is.... I never learned to make friends, I don't know how. I feel alone all the time and it is crushing me. I missed all of my life social goals and I feel like I will just drop off the world and be forgotten. I hate this feeling. I have joined groups and gone to events but I physically don't know how to talk to anyone after I got out of being isolated. I feel lost when I should be at a point where I know what to do and how to do it. I want people around but at this point I kinda dont wanna try anymore, I dont know fully what I will do when my friends move on from me and I have to do my every couple of years restart. I am getting help but it feels like it is for nothing sometimes, I just want some people to talk to but I feel like my inability to communicate will keep people away and idk if I have it in me anymore. I try to be a good friend. I reach out, I make sure everyone is okay but then I am dropped by the wayside after a few months and just never really talk again. I know people have lives, hell I tried to keep some little semblance of a social life when I was working seven days a week and going to school and being a parent it just.... no one puts effort into me no matter what and I hate it. I hate people if I am being honest. I hate that no matter what I do it is never enough for fucking anyone and I feel like it will never change. I feel like I am repulsive, I feel like I radiate something that makes people not wanna talk to me. I can't sit someone down and explain all of that shit because most won't take the time of day and I can't blame them. I want to change, I have been trying to, I just feel like it will never be enough for anyone. Hell, my partner has been helping and even people she introduces me to do the same. I am just wondering when I should give up.

Thank you for your time.