(Vent) Being ignored is one of the most painful things.

My mom ignored me during an argument today. Straight up, completely, blatantly ignored me. Until I said something that struck a chord. (I think it was when I called her out on the fact that she’d rather ignore me than address the problem and get it over with and solved.)

Usually her ignoring is more subtle, cuz she dodges conversations she doesn’t like by changing the topic/interrupting me or leaving the room, but today.. this really hurt. She recently learned that being ignored hurts me, and today she did it on purpose.

Even when she did answer me, we didn’t get anywhere as usual. She says whatever she has to, to smooth over the argument, but she’ll do the same thing that upset me, tomorrow.

I just wish she understood how insignificant she made me feel growing up, and still does. She just.. Bulldozes over me. Often literally. I’ll be standing somewhere and she pushes to get past me even though she knows I hate that, and it’s NEVER necessary. I hate having my space invaded, being touched against my will. That, and I feel silenced around her cuz she doesn’t let me get a word in, and talks over me all the time. And whatever she wants to do, she does, with little to no consideration for other people. She makes false promises, and acts like the victim when we try to hold her accountable.

She’s exhausting and hurtful. She makes me feel like nobody could ever care about me. And I really don’t ask for much.

Typing this all out, I do feel like a lot of her behaviors are a display of dominance, and that’s why it’s so hard to be around her. I should feel comfortable, but instead I feel like I have to defend myself from incoming emotional pain, every time we interact. It’s not right. I wish I had the mom I deserve.