I’m tired

I don’t know how else to say it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have a great job, family, friends, on the right path with school, but it’s never enough. I’ve lost my mom and younger cousin in a year, but it should’ve been me. I’ve fought this for 13 years by seeking therapy and psychiatric help. I need a plan to leave I wasn’t meant for this world. So many people want to help, but I’m afraid it’s too late. I’m consumed in my thoughts at all times. I just need to find a way for it to look like an accident, so my family doesn’t feel like it’s their fault (it’s not).