Getting stressed out supporting two families

Hi Everyone,

I just want to hear some thoughts on my situation.

So, I was raised by my Aunt (Mom’s sister) literally after my Mom gave birth to me sa province. I considered my Aunt as my mom and mama rin tawag ko sa kanya and papa din tawag ko sa asawa nya. My mom is a single parent. She had to work in Manila to provide for us bale dalawa kami naiwan sa Aunt ko but ako talaga yung nagtagal sa province and mas close sa Aunt ko kaysa sa kapatid ko kasi may time din na kinuha sya ni mama and nag stay sila sa Manila. But financially speaking si Mama talaga nag pprovide for me. Bale yung Aunt ko lang talaga taga alaga sa akin thought meron naman din trabaho yung asawa nya so in some ways naka contribute din sila sa akin financially.

I got a scholarship into college, si mama ko parin nag pprovide for my allowance. Di talaga kaya ng Aunt ko magbigay kasi sakto lang talaga sa kanila yung income nila and minsan nga pinapadalhan sila ni mama.

Fast forward, I got my first job dito sa Cebu (this is different dun sa province that I was raised, di ko lng iddisclose kung saan). Nag papadala ako ng pera sa Aunt ko consistently and kay mama di ganun ka consistent and medyo maliit lang pinapadala ko kasi may capacity pa sya to work and naiintindihan nya naman yung situation.

Then a year or two passed, Mom and my brother had some conflicts, nasa Manila sila that time. So we decided na dito na lang muna si mama sa akin sa Cebu. I was just renting.

Okay naman yung pagsasama namin for several months and it’s also the longest time na magkasama kami, until I found out na may mga utang pala sya sa Manila. Di naman ganun kalaki like below 30k but for someone who is earning paycheck to paycheck parang ang sakit. Yun yung parang naging curse ng pagsasama namin like every time mag aaway na lang kami for small reasons.

So, a year after umuwi kami ng province and iniwan ko muna si mama dun sa bahay ng Aunt ko para at least I could find a cheaper place sa Cebu. But they can’t get along. I’m pretty sure the main cause is my Mom.

Then months after, I found an opportunity in freelancing. I went back home sa province and Mom noticed napapadalas daw pagbili ko ng mga groceries, I should prioritize myself daw.

Fast forward, mas naging complicated ang situation nung pinaayos ko bahay ng Aunt ko. Sa part ko naman is dun naman ako lumaki so parang bahay ko na din yun tapos gusto ko rin iisang bahay kami para at least isahan na sa lahat2 like bills, pagkain and maffocusan kong pagandahin yung bahay. Pero in the end, Mom wanted to have one of her own kasi di talaga sila nagkakasundo ng Aunt ko daw and gusto nya mas nakakagalaw sya sa bahay ng walang maririnig na ano. She even cried in front of me na gusto nya ng sariling bahay kasi parati akong wala sa province.

So, fast forward, bumalik sya ng Manila, and for several months nakapatayo ako ng isang bahay na one-storey lang somewhere lang din dun sa Aunt ko and pinauwi ko na sya ulit sa province. I feel like big achievement to sakin kasi pangarap ko talaga magkaron ng tiles na bahay.

Technically, dalawang bahay na sinusuportahan ko yung sa Aunt ko and sa mama ko. Previously, mas maliit padala ko sa Aunt ko and mama ko pero sa bagong setup nila sa province medyo nilakihan ko yung support ko para at least mas gumaan gaan yung buhay nila. So each of them, I gave 5k for half a month just for groceries. Then, the rest ako na lahat, kuryente, tubig, internet, gasul. I even made sure na kung ano yung nasa kabilang house is andun din sa isa like yung 55” na tv, wifi plan, gas stove, para wala na talagang masabi yung Mom ko. If I would total that, for each month I gave 35-40k. For the comparison, when I got my first job 5 yrs ago, 2500 lang talaga binibigay ko every 15 days sa aunt ko and 500-1k lang kay mama. Ganyan kaliit sahod ko nun.

So my biggest problem is sa mama ko kasi di nya kayang i-budget yung pera niya. Yung tipong one week pa lang is ubos na and mangungutang na lang sya sa tindahan. She has a habit of purchasing products na di ganun ka necessary and habit of pangungutang ng kung ano-ano, and hindi sya nasesettle sa bahay kumbaga most days may mga ganap or lakad sya. Tinutulungan ko din naman mabayaran lahat (including yung mga matagal na nyang utang) para at least mabalik sa ayos yung flow ng budget nya and nag addvice din ako pero paulit2 na lang talaga. Sya lang isa sa bahay while my Aunt has to budget the same assistance for 3 people – sa asawa nya and sa anak nya na nag aaral pa, pero nagagawang budgetin. As opposed sa title, I’m really just stressed out with my Mom.

I don’t know if I’m just overreacting. I’m possibly be doing this assistance for as long as I can and need to. I don’t have any issue with it as long as whatever the budget is should just be the BUDGET. I have priorities for myself as well and I need to save enough funds for everyone who depends on me in case of emergency.