Fear of young gays

I’m 18 and still in the closet . I know that I’m gay and I fuck with dudes since I was like 16 . The thing is that I always do it with older men (25-40y) because I’m affraid to do it anything with someone my age . In my area , every gay know each other so It’s kinda scary for me . Moreover , I recently noticed that I choose older guys because they usually do not care about your body . I’m scared to be too skinny or too ugly for someone my age . I wanted to know If someone got the same mechanism as me ? (English is not my first langage I hope It is understandable)