A Rollercoaster of Finally Feeling My Emotions (repost for anonymity) MY STORY

First time posting on here! I have decided to live a sober lifestyle after so many years of numbing my emotions and making life “more bearable” through alcohol. Once I had my first drink, I never stopped until literal blackout when I would be completely inebriated and unresponsive, vomiting (example: ruining my stepsister’s mother’s carpet at a party that I blacked out at within the first hour— also telling a police officer “sorry I just have the flu” while he was in the elevator with us as security escort because I got us kicked out of a club by throwing up in the middle of the dancefloor AND ON PEOPLE ) or falling everywhere/stumbling (once fell straight backwards into a bush, fell onto the floor of a club, also had sister helping walk and that’s just the recent) having to be carried, or starting some insane fight with my boyfriend that led to issues in our relationship due to the level of detail i would include in my insults and drunk rants— COMPLETELY out of character however the lies were so detailed even I wasnt convinced that these thoughts were not at least from my subconscious. On top of insulting him beyond belief, I would start crazy issues by telling him things such as: “i’m not in love with you anymore” or “I can only bear to have sex with you when i’m drunk” (REAL STATEMENTS😅). one time when he was helping me to get to the car to try and prevent my friends who were still partying in the club from seeing me completely fucked up with throw up on my shirt when i baby barfed after a shot IN OUR SECTION!! and to think the immense Hangxiety afterwards ON TOP OF endless stomach issues and worsening health both physically and mentally— as well as losing friends and causing fights, such as when my friend had to basically carry me and my other friend out and her bf wouldn’t help etc etc they ended up fighting and she blocked me. ANYWAYS, I just wanted to give a bit of a glimpse to my story and see if anyone possibly relates and would have advice for me with starting this journey. I am still young (23F) so not sure if moderating to special occasions such as holidays where I am not tempted to have more than a champagne toast would be appropriate or not. I have reached rock bottom and my entire mindset has changed and I no longer drink to numb any pain. Hence the title— my biggest struggle is all of the personal struggles that have arises as a result of my increased consciousness to reality. Somehow i am solving problems but it is making it difficult to manage my emotions and responses. Any advice is greatly appreciated! <3