How do I (F30) deal with my step-father's (M60) gift refusal?

I've been struggling for a while with this.

I grew up with my step father as my father figure, as my actual father was never much in the picture. He never let me or my sister call him "dad" though, even though he'd been around since before I was born.

He married my mother when I was around 10 but refused the offer to adopt us. He'd never wanted his own kids. Emotionally he's... stoic... I guess.

I've never heard him say he loved us. He was really strict and controlling growing up and my sister and I have struggled with childhood issues stemming from that.

I keep thinking he had to have loved us, because, even though he'd never wanted kids he made us lunch for school every day and would make us breakfast and dinner. He'd wake us up every day for school, he taught us how to ride bikes and drive cars. My mom never took the time to do any of those things for us, but he did, so I figured he had to have loved us. Though there weren't hugs or kind words, he isn't like that with anyone. So it wasn't exclusive to us or anything.

Keeping that in mind, whenever it comes to birthdays and Christmas time I get really frustrated because he refuses to let me or my sister get him anything. "Save your money" or "I don't need anything" are the typical things he says. I don't like that he tells me to "save" my money. I don't want to waste money buying him gifts that he doesn't want, but I'd like to for example contribute to a nice meal or experience.

I can't see him in person because I live on a different continent anyway, so I'm quite limited. I've tried for years since I've moved to gift him nice things but its been like pulling teeth trying to get him to be on board with gifts. Even when I'd asked for suggestions for my mom's gifts he'd told me not to get her anything.

I feel like the obvious answer is respect his request and just get him nothing, but I'm just really frustrated by the whole situation. It feels like he refuses to acknowledge me as an adult, and that his gift refusal stems from there.

I guess my question is more... how do I make peace with this? I guess I'm still desperately trying to make a non-existent emotional connection with him and it feels like every time he rejects a birthday/Christmas gift it's like he's rejecting me again.

TLDR; my emotionally neutral step father won't let me get him gifts ever, how do I deal/ make peace with that?