I need to get shit outa me so instead of doing it on my main I made a new acc and my own

I feel like I need to scream like I'm going to explode but even though I know I'm alone and even though I know no one will judge me because no one will see I still can't get it out of me, it's been like this for so long. I know it's because it's not professional and because I haven't been able to get a job in 2 years I feel like I have to be professional at all points in my life to try and get the ball rolling, I'm not even 20 I hate this shit so much I want to feel like a normal human I want to know what it's like when my brain isn't constantly screaming at me for everything all big and small, I feel like I drain everyone around me and I feel terrible for it I just drain more and more money from everyone around me, I spend hours on indeed trying to get a job so I can prove to myself that I'm not useless. I started loosing weight for health benefit reasons, I wasn't above 350 but I saw the direction I was going and I didn't like it so I started working out and taking walks, I wanna do running soon try and burn more than I already am, I started a diet too, strong on eggs and chicken mostly which is really good. I want to just be a better person that is apart of society and I really hope that I can soon