How Do I (20F) Get My Friend (20F) to Unlearn Their Racism?

This is probably going to be a long one, so buckle up

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I got back into contact with an old friend this year (lets call her X) when they asked for some help and, after a long time of radio silence between us, I thought 'eh fuck it, why not' and we've spent more time with each other since then.

The reason I'd fallen out of contact with her before was due to our mutual friend and her having a disagreement (our mutual friend is black) and the friend telling me she was uncomfortable with some of the comments X would make. I'd been picking up on some of the same stuff and decided to slowly drift off. It wasn't hard, we hadn't been super close before.

But now we've grown a lot closer and the racism I'd hoped she'd grown up and unlearnt entirely is still there, albeit different. For the record (and this is not me defending her, X is an adult and responsible for her own actions) she does not hate black people, she does not hate asian people, or really anyone of another race. She doesn't understand it.

We have both grown up in a very conservative area where that sort of behavior's is to be expected. I myself, when I was a fair amount younger, held some racist views that I got a wake up call on when I was 15-ish thanks to being very online. I can especially understand how she was taught to think this way, I've parted ways with more than a few racists and homophobes through the years, you can't lift your arms without bumping into one in this neighborhood.

We watched a film together and one of the adverts before was for an all-asian cast movie about a bunch of women on a road trip and X turned to me saying she doesn't understand why they made the movie, because she grew up on a bunch of those types of movies (with predominantly white casts) and it seems like a cash grab, and that it doesn't need to be an all-asian cast. Essentially saying she thinks it's all a bit 'in your face'.

During the thing I helped her with, we played a game where you call out a feature (ie. glasses, brown hair, shoe colours) and you have to swap with the other people who have that feature. It should have been harmless but one of the things she had called out was 'pale'. There were maybe three poc in attendance and you could hear everyone mumbling about how dodgy it was to say.

I did confront her after, saying it wasn't appropriate and during those kinds of games skin colour was not something she should call out. She agreed and apologized, hasn't done it since, and I got the feeling she was embarrassed that she'd said it.

X has been raised in a family where the general vibe is 'i call it like i see it'. Admittedly this has made things quite open with communication between them, but it has meant X will make comments without thinking them through and not considering how they might be received. While I can understand what her intent is, a lot of the times her actions outweigh it entirely and she needs to learn when its best not to make those comments.

I've recently started working with X after they joined my place of employment. They have already made a comment about one worker (a managers) accent, saying it's sound 'interesting' singing along with a song playing. I know she meant it as 'your accent sounds cool' in her head, but the way a child will say 'your voice sounds funny' is how it came across. I luckily don't think the manager heard it, and I have the feeling that if the manager had they would have taken it as X mocking their accent.

Unfortunately, a lot of X's other friends are very much conservative, hold worse views, and I recently found out two are very transphobic. X is refreshingly liberal towards LGBTQ+, they have queer family members, I myself am queer and have answered questions for them before, and we've recently spoken together about trans rights and all- I was scared she'd be transphobic, especially with how things are in the UK right now, so I was pleasantly surprised when she defended non-binary people and there being more than two genders.

I know X has the potential to be better, in a lot of regards they are trying. I will continue to call them out when they say things wrong or ask questions, but the subtle-racism doesn't always come up when I'm there to interject and she's in a community where it would be supported when spoken aloud.

I've given her recommendations for more inclusive media, I'd give her book recs as well but she has dyslexia, but I want to do more. I don't have many friends so there's not many other open-minded queer people I could introduce her to, and I don't want her getting sucked back in to a horrible mindset.

I've known people in this area to get dragged down alt-right, edge lord, misogynistic pipelines and I don't want to watch my friend become that.

Is there anything you can recommend I do? Maybe other media (not purely educational, she likes sad stuff with happy endings) I could recommend, or other ways I can approach the sensitive conversations with her? Sometimes I feel like when I have those talks like a mum telling off a misbehaving child and I genuinely want her to explain more behind why she thinks what she does instead of suppressing it and feeling embarrassed, because then nothing will change.

Her prejudice comes from a lack of understanding and education in that area, she's not proud of it either. I want to help, since I am white I know I have the privilege to be able to listen to the things she says and feel safe enough to explain, so if I do this I want to do it right.

Thank you <3