I have to live for me and do it all for me but I don't want it badly enough.

I have lived a life without knowing I had ADHD. I don't remember my childhood and I don't remember my teenage years. I have lived on auto pilot for most of my life. If someone asked me how I pictured my future I wouldn't have an answer. I couldn't look in to the future because I never thought I would make it this far. I was alive but not living.

I never lived for myself and never wanted to live for myself. I never felt the need to live for me and I always did it for others. If I had to do it for myself I wouldn't be here. I kept going because I did it for my mom, dad, my brothers and my dog. This is my natural unintended consequence of living a life with untreated and undiagnosed ADHD and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I never do it for me. I don't go to work for me, I do it all for two.

I got so used to live for two that I completely forgot to live for myself because I never did in the first place. Living life alone feels so fucking pointless. I don't want to do it for me, I want do it for two.