i don‘t know my romantic orientation 👩🏼‍❤️‍👨🏽👨🏼‍❤️‍👨🏽

hello y‘all <3. i hope that you can help me somehow. i am an 22 yo man and i was able to identify myself as an asexual about 2 years ago. in my youth i was always romantically only interested in girls and once i had a relationship after which i became traumatized and mentally ill. i was not abused but she cheated on me in a bad way, but that is another topic. after her i was a few times in love with other girls but never came back into a relationship with one. years later i never felt interest in women again but also men never came into question for me. i am a lifestyle influencer and 2 years ago there was a phase in which i was literally sexually harassed daily. again and again I got sexualized messages but also unsolicited nudes and it became more every day, mostly from women but also from some men. i have quite rarely posted pictures of myself or my upper-free body. these things happened without me present myself, even because of stories on which you only saw my sweatpants. that took such an excess that it destroyed me mentally and i felt suicidal. after this i was so disgusted by everyone and i identified myself as aromatic-asexual and i also felt right with it.

but then in december i met a friend of my brother and we also became pretty good friends. he is bisexual and he liked me for the first time he saw me on social media (i didn‘t know until then). on my birthday we were on vacation together where he tried to kiss me. i felt so strange with the situation that we first had a strange tension between us. i accepted what happened and at some point i started to see him with different eyes. i don‘t know how that happened but we started dating, we cuddled quite a lot and i started to feel good with him. he knew i was asexual and couldn‘t imagine a relationship with anyone. but i fell in love with him and I didn‘t want to end this thing we had. one day i also started kissing him and some time later i decided to have a relationship with him. that was a big overcoming for me but i actually didn‘t regret it. he accepts my sexuality and everything is great but i am now even more confused about myself. i actually don‘t find men romantically attractive but women certainly not. i find HIM romantically attractive, but if we would break up, i couldn‘t imagine a relationship with a man or a woman.

i know i don‘t have to label myself but that keeps me so busy 😩