How am I supposed to get out of this?

Hi all.

Thanks for the indulgence. I have read so many of your stories and comments over the last few months, and am sorry that I have never commented in return.

For the last few months, after years of self-abuse, I have decided to get sober. I am 32. In the moment, it seems like an easy decision. I wake up, wanting to be sick after a few days of drinking, texting old friends and girlfriends, sitting by a computer and just listening to songs and crying on my earphones as I drink and drink until I pass out, feeling creepy feelings all over my skin, convincing myself that I am probably going to die feeling like this, if not now, staring into a toilet. Then I wake up, and feel better. Only to give myself some respite and care. Watch films, read in bed, masturbate until I feel a normal level of happiness, pray, feel as if I am looking after myself. Tell myself that I have got so much going for me, work. Get excited about what I am going to do with my freedom.

And then just as when I am feeling as if I can take on the world, I want to celebrate. By going out and drinking, waking up a little worse the next day, and solving that problem by drinking…

Anybody know any ideas for breaking this.