Birthdays without Grandma

My grandmother was absolutely the matron of our family. She was a homemaker until my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer. At 52, she went to school and became a CNA to pay for her husband’s chemo. Grandpa passed in 96. Grandma passed in 2021. In the 25 years without him, my grandmother made up for two grandparents and so much more.

Here is where I’m struggling.

Recently, I found a recording saved to my phone of a voicemail my grandmother left me on my birthday one year. I had been breaking phones a lot (just dropping them) and my grandmas health was struggling - so I saved one, single voicemail to my iCloud and totally forgot about it.

It’s been nearly two years without Grandma. I bought her home after her passing and now live in it.

I have A LOT of cousins on this side of my family. My mother is one of six kids. I am the second to youngest of 23 grandchildren. We all cherished our grandmother and we we’re all devastated when that chapter of our lives came to a close.

I found the last calendar my grandmother ever filled out (2020) and now know everyone in my family’s birthday.

Today is one of my cousin’s birthday. Jared, specifically. He was incredibly close. I have shortened this voicemail to where all you hear my grandmother say is “Happy birthday, sweetheart …. I love ya …. And I miss ya … buh-bye”

I’m considering sending it to my cousin today. And possibly all cousins from here on out. Many of us have mentioned our birthdays have felt without or early morning happy birthday call from our grandmother.

Here’s where I’m struggling - I do not want to send my family into an unexpected tailspin of grief on their birthdays. We are less than 2 years out of losing Grandma.

Should I send the voice clip? If I do -should I explicitly tell my cousins that what I sent them is a recording of my grandmother’s voice so that they can decide when or if they want to hear it?

Should I ask them if they would like to hear happy birthday fro grandma and then send the clip?

I know what hearing that happy birthday and her say I love you healed and broke part of my soul all over again. But I have listened to it over and over and let the sound of her voice cover me like a blanket of love.

I would like the rest of my family to have that chance too. I just want be considerate of all of our different journeys with grief.