My ex told my mother everything

I’m sitting in the bathroom at work on break, crying and typing. I need any encouragement I can get. I think I might need to go home too. All my makeup is running down my face and I don’t have makeup wipes and I feel shaken and humiliated. Everyone will notice

To sum things up, mother texted me that she knows why we broke up and is very upset with me. I am mortified. I never wanted anyone to know I’m an addict. Basically I lost my boyfriend of 2 yrs to porn and I lied to everyone about why it ended. My mother always liked him and never seemed to believe my story that he and I were just incompatible in the end. Neither did my sisters. But despite their questioning me repeatedly and hinting I was full of shit, I just kept repeating that we were incompatabkr and continued being vague because in all actuality, we really were soulmates. He broke up and swiftly kicked me out because I admitted I was late to our date because I was masturbating. Porn was the focus of my relationship. He doesn’t know I also sexted guys I knew from work and Uni. I can only hope my images and videos aren’t on the internet either. I am a screw up. Yesterday I posted some and am disappointed and afraid so I deleted them. I have no self control I still need to confess all of that to him if I try to get back with him. He doesn’t know I sexted.

But I know either way, I am a horrible person and I don’t deserve him. He told my mother he was sickened and disappointed and angry. My mother was embarrassed for me. We spoke just 5 mins ago and she told me I was raised better than that and I was foolish and lost a good man. And she’s right. All I could do was cry because she was right. She said she is sending me to a sex addiction rehab if she can find one or said I must move home and be monitored and in therapy if I know what is best for me. Except I had a therapist when I had an eating disorder at 12 and I hated her. I think psychiatry is bullshit. But I also know I lack self control. I know I’m fucking up my job. I’m depressed and sick of hiding but also he ruined how she sees me and I am depressed even more . I feel like she loves me less now. Porn is ruining everything in my life.