not a rant needed somewhere to rant though

hey everyone, im 23 and male and african, i have no support system and broke, i do have diagnosed mental illnesses however im too broke to get help..Im shit at having relationships whether family , friendships or romantic. Im not awkward per se, but i have a tendency to take advantage of people who come too close, so i tend to cut everyone off , i usually say im "protecting them from me" however i dont know how much of that is true. Im just feeling especially lonely today and ive been drinking today so the feelings are bubbling. Tbh i blame myself cause i am responsible for severing all my relationships and 8 out of 10 times i do love being alone, but sometimes you just need someone to talk to and i currently dont have that person, and i wont let anyone be that person cause i know ill be ice cold by tomorrow, anyway hope everyone is having a great day and sending positive vibes to all of you, everybody is somebodys everything, even if its yourself keep your head up.love!