Feeling awful

I fucked up. 3 week sobriety streak and last night i caved. This disease is like living w 2 voices in your head- one that tells you you can just have one ( obviously a huge lie) and the other that reminds you of the stress and havoc it wreaks. Was having anxiety and broke. I hate this! I feel like im one of those “hopeless cases “ they talk about in AA. I meed to go to meetings but feel so dumb starting from day 1 again. I feel so despondent and hopeless. I have so much responsibility w work that i cannot afford another relapse and cant handle it mentally either. Thought about naltrexone but i dont want alcohol use do on my records and it would mean i couldnt take other meds i really need. Just feeling so low. Iwndwyt! I must accept this is an illness and that i need help. No more listening to the lying thoughts that i can handle it. Any encouragement os appreciated.