I “blackpill” myself in order to feel more comfortable around women.

I’ve always felt like I was never good enough for anyone but yet I would still act shy/nervous around someone I found attractive. Then I realized, what’s the point? Why do I get so self conscious about everything (my outfit, my posture, my demeanor, etc.) around someone that I know has no interest in me? There’s nothing that I can do to ruin my chances at being with someone because there was never a chance to begin with. I look like a fool getting so nervous for no good reason. I don’t hate women, I know it’s my fault that I don’t catch any of their attention. There’s still room for improvement as far as appearances go. I try to be reasonable with their expectations and desires as well. I know I don’t have to have a perfectly chiseled jawline, I know I don’t have to be a millionaire, I know I don’t have to have a perfect body. I think my biggest issue is that I don’t even try to look my best. I don’t see the point. There’s no use in luring bees with honey (my outwardly appearance) when what’s really there is vinegar (my personality). I think so long as I’m depressed/socially anxious, there’s no use in liking anyone. I can’t help having feelings for someone, but a mental reminder anytime I begin to feel attracted to someone will save me a lot of heartache in the future. I think it’s for the best that I try my best at accepting a life of solitude because that’s the most likely future I’ll experience. Learning to be truly happy alone and without the need for anyone else to provide that happiness is probably the best thing anyone can accomplish anyways. It’s also important to not harbor any resentful feelings towards anyone because of that loneliness. I think that’s what separates me from a typical “incel”. Involuntarily celibate? Absolutely I am, but I don’t hate anyone.